PLZ SEE ME RE: LAST EXAM - BAD GRADE, NOT PAYING ATTN :-(

Babson college professor Kara Miller throws down the gauntlet to American college students who want to flirt and text and daydream.

And she is 100% correct that foreign students work much harder than us and do much better, even with a language gap.  That's because they value higher education and want to succeed through it, while American students see their four years as a time to party and socialize (among other things), and then once they get their first job, they are woefully unprepared.

If you want to know the bane of managers and supervisors, it's escorting the underperforming employee to the Human Resources department to tell them their services are no longer required.  In college, it's called the academic dismissal.

Full disclosure and addendum: While I was in college, I garnered a 3.2 grade point average.  That's a high B, almost near B+ average.  There were times where I should have been more proactive in getting my work done, but when I left graduate school (and didn't return), I had two C's; the minimum grade is a B.  I would have been put on academic probation the next semester.  If I had gotten another C, I would have been academically dismissed.  If you're a A or B student who works hard and grabs the concepts well, then professors notice it.  When you're a C or D student who doesn't try (or tries too hard in the drinking and hooking up department) then the professors know it isn't their subject matter that's the problem - it's you.

The altar of Gaia is fraught with Tofu-pup wrappers and crumpled pictures of Marx and Lenin in the nude

Note to the health Puritans and malignant gentry who are trying to hide their mega-control freak designs through Mother Earth - it's not nice to fool Mother Nature - in fact, pissing her off will give you something much more than you bargained for. 

If they weren't so obnoxious on your neo-Puritan crusade, and actually MINDED THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS, people wouldn't see them as the fussy eaters and spoiled children they really are.

Dumb criminal tip: never cash a stolen Lottery ticket

Two criminals in a Milton home invasion won the Stupid Criminal of the Century award when...

a. they attempted to cash in a stolen $5,000 Scary Money ticket at the Game Room at Ashburton Place

b. they both fell for the "oh, the system's down" stall while the Lottery agent (who knew the ticket was stolen) notified the State Police, and six officers came down and arrested both idiots

c. both A and B

Great job by the agent and the Staties.

When gentrification pisses off an entire neighborhood

Yuppie scum at its finest and most obnoxious, and a few questions:

1. How many of those condo units are affordable?

2. Are the loud booms from old Ironsides ruining people's whoopie making/yoga/debating sessions?

3. If you're here because it's an attractive area, why in blazes do you want to change it without a single shred of consideration for your neighbors, who were here much longer than you've been?

The Fort Hood attacks - who's right, and who's wrong?

I agree with what Hub Blog says here:

Here's a challenge to conservatives:  What specifically would [the mainstream media] do to prevent these types of attacks in the future?  It's put up or shut up time.

On the other hand, I have always been a staunch opponent of political correctness.  You can't simply excuse or wish away violence of any kind, including those attacks that result in death.  I don't agree it's a handmaiden to terror, but more like a way to put rose-colored glasses on unpleasant thoughts or situations.  And sometimes, the rose doesn't hide the horror well enough.

Whipping up emotions is easy.  Finding solutions that may not please the easily offended won't be.

The lump sum option in the Lottery's instant tickets...not a great idea

The Lottery, beginning with this summer's games, are now offering the choice between taking your winnings in installments or being paid out in a lump sum.

For example, if you win $1 million, you can take either 20 payments per year of $50,000 each, or one payment of $650,000.

First, the installments:

• With taxes, at 25% federal and 5% state, you will receive a check for $35,000 per year.  
• Over 20 years, you will receive a total of $700,000.  
• Depending on your tax bracket, you will likely stay within or go up perhaps one or two tax brackets.  For instance, if you're in the 15% tax bracket, you will stay there or increase to either the 25% or 28% tax bracket.

Now, with the lump-sum:

• With taxes, at 25% federal and 5% state, you will receive a one-time check for $455,000.  
• The $650,000 represents 13 annuity checks at $50,000 apiece, meaning you will lose 7 annuity checks at $350,000 for this convenience.  
• Compared with the annuity of 20 checks, the loss will be $245,000 over the period of 20 years ($700,000 - $455,000), or about $12,250 a year.
• Accepting the $650,000 will also put you into the 35% tax bracket for that year, meaning you will likely pay much more in taxes.  For instance, if you're in the 15% tax bracket, you will be in the 35% tax bracket that year - and all taxes are progressive.

The higher the prize, the more you stand to lose.  If you won $10 million, the amounts I mentioned above go up by a factor of 10 - meaning you lose $3.5 million if you take the lump sum and receiving a check for $4,550,000.  On the other hand, taking the 20 checks at $350,000 each means you get $7,000,000.

So your best bet?  Having a steady, albeit, lower winnings check for 20 years is much better than instant gratification and losing a lot more money. 

It's partially correct that the Lottery is a math tax on the stupid - because it takes a stupid person to utter that phrase.

When that 1% lottery commission isn't enough

WBZ-TV did an excellent investigation on Lottery agents who tried to claim huge winnings for themselves.

What was the best scene? Watching the Lottery investigators swoop right in like a drug raid and take out the lottery machine and the lottery tickets. I can imagine the conversation going something like this:

"We had a sting operation not long ago. The undercover agent discovered you had illegally tried to dupe a customer out of their winnings. Effective immediately, we are removing your machine and taking back all of your scratch tickets and electronic forms. Step aside, sir. CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? IF YOU HAVE ANY TICKETS IN YOUR HANDS, WE'D APPRECIATE YOU GIVING THEM TO THESE OFFICERS. THEY ARE NOT VALID."

The 1% commission in the title refers to the amount a lottery agent receives when they cash a ticket. If, in a book of instant tickets, a lottery agent pays out $726, they get a commission of $7.26. If you win $2.50 on a Keno ticket, the agent gets $0.025. If you win $250,000 on a winning MegaMillions ticket, the agent gets $2,500. Definitely not small change.

When an agent discovers they're not selling enough to get a decent commission, that's when they start to get shady and pull scams. The ones who do quite well with their commissions never try to pull such stunts as

giving you $100 for a $500 ticket

telling you a ticket is a losing ticket when it's actually worth a lot more

and

claiming the illicit winnings and then fleeing the country.

Meanwhile, how can you defend yourself in the first place? (OK, I might as well throw a bone to the finger-waggers who tell us the lottery is evil and preys on the poor. I guess these finger-waggers have no problem having the poor pay 60% taxes on cigarettes and being followed around at Whole Foods for potential shoplifting, right?)

1. If you should hit the Big One, SIGN THE BACK OF THE TICKET IMMEDIATELY.  This means the ticket is yours and yours alone - the "bearer instrument." If the corrupt agent tries to pass off the ticket and the signatures don't match, the Lottery will put up an immediate red flag. They also require positive ID - so if you're Ralph Malph and the ticket is signed Potsie Webber, not only will they not pay you, you have the additional chance of being arrested for forgery and uttering a false document.

2. MAKE A PHOTOCOPY OF THE WINNING TICKET. This means both sides of the ticket (including your signature) should be copied for your records. This will also protect you should the corrupt agent attempt to call you a liar and try to weasel you out of your winnings by stating your ticket "won nothing." Better yet: any ticket over $100 should be photocopied, but claimed at the local Lottery offices.

3. If you've won over $600, YOU MUST CLAIM YOUR WINNINGS AT THE LOTTERY OFFICES. NEVER have the agent scan the ticket at the store - they know exactly what "FILE CLAIM" on a lottery machine means. This is why on scratch tickets, there are random "losing" codes on tickets over $600. (With the two new tickets they've put out, they've doubled the losing codes from 12 to 24, and the new codes thwart players who look for just the codes by putting in really good imposters for the ones between $20 and $500.) Details from the Lottery website here.

4. If you happen to be the unlucky soul who gets $5 when they should have gotten $500, DON'T HESITATE TO CONTACT THE LOTTERY.   If you're ever in doubt, DON'T CASH IN THE TICKET. Don't hand it to the agent, don't let the agent intimidate or sweet-talk you into handing it over. This is a sign to leave the store and contact the Lottery - the best is to contact Lottery Headquarters here (scroll down to Lottery - the phone number to report agents or for general information is below) or, if you prefer email, contact the lottery at webmaster_at_masslottery_dot_com.  Judging by the speed and ferocity of this state agency, Lottery investigators don't take kindly to being cheated.

Many of the lottery agents I've dealt with are fantastic and they are honest. Just remember to be alert, and you should do just fine.

The land of NED - two different journeys

Kate Jackson of the Pointy Universe gives her take on Breast Cancer Awareness month for the Patriot Ledger.

One story I'd like to give Kate is one personal to me. There is one woman on my team at work that was diagnosed with BC in 2004-2005. She is in her late 50s and she went through the same thing. She didn't return to work for two years while she received treatments for breast cancer, but when she did return, it was certainly triumphant. I don't know the staging or extent - none of my business - but she was thrilled to return.

Compared to my father, who died from non-smoking related metastatic lung cancer in 2005, her return gave me hope. Cancer is a devastating diagnosis, but not the end of the world. If detected early enough, the land of NED is reachable (not exactly easy - you have to go through the gauntlet of chemo and radiation first - and that cancer is like the bad guy in The Warriors clinking his bottles and taunting them - "Warriors...come out and play-ay!").

My dad's cancer was detected because he had a nagging leg pain and the bone in his thigh snapped (femur). The day they did a nuclear bone scan did they discover the 3cm tumor in his lung that had metastized to his leg. Instant Stage IV - probably the toughest diagnosis one could get. Not an immediate death sentence, either, as we had him go through six regimens of chemo (Taxol and Cisplatin) and later on, radiation for his brain cancer to follow.

We too thought that a miracle would occur. We had a bottle of inexpensive champagne ready when the doctors would announce he was in that land of NED. Several times, I hoped for a miracle - that not only the tumor in his lung would be eradicated, he'd make a total recovery.

The land of NED, however, had a cruel deviation. When he died on November 22, he was certainly out of the land of constant pain, heavy-duty opiates, and hallucinations, and into a dry martini handed out by St. Peter himself. (Groucho Marx joke spoken by Bugs Bunny.) The day of his funeral, we did indeed drink that champagne we saved as a celebration, not as a goodbye.

To this day, I certainly miss my father. But I never mourned him - maybe cried a little bit, but never sat there and bemoaned his loss. That's because he never would have wanted pity or sadness. He reminds us that nothing is forever, and to make the best of what we have. You have to continue with your lives, even if there are times of loneliness and despair.

We love to use the word "sustainable" as if it were a magic wand, but human lives are impossible to sustain much beyond one's life expectancy. Sure, there are outliers - Willard Scott's bread and butter was announcing centarian's birthdays - but sometimes there are things we can't control, and giving up that control is never easy.

To say that cancer is impossible to beat, however, lies in how willing we are to find its cure. Once it is, all those people, including those with lung cancer, will automatically shift into the land of NED.

Two types of nasty

A. When travelling to New York and purchasing scratch tickets (I collect them from different states), the man behind the counter counted them as $13, while I counted them as $11. Honest mistake - until the megasuperbitch of a district manager snarled at her co-worker to show the cashier how to rectify his mistake. The mistake was corrected, but if you're ever at the Faber in Darien, CT, avoid spending your money there until they get managers who treat their employees and customers with fairness - they don't have to be nice all the time, just not being super surly and nasty.

B. We arrived at the Wooster St Pizzeria in Wallingford, CT around 10 last night for a late repast. We thought the place was open until 11pm, but the manager, who really was a nice woman, said to us, "Oh, the sign says we're open until 11, but we sent everyone else home...we would be glad to make a pizza for you, but we can't. Sorry..." Meanwhile, her staff was watching ESPN, and we headed to the Athenian II diner in Middletown, CT for a much better repast.

The difference between A and B? At least the manager in B was sincere, even though it was a pat, well-prepared answer that I found creepily unnerving. The manager in A? Where did she learn her managerial skills? Leona Helmsley? I will say this much - I'll never step foot in a Faber Travel Shop on I-95 ever again.

Salvador Allende Obama?

Hub Blog has an interesting article on their blog regarding an interesting idea - a future "grand coalition" between the military and President Obama, with the military driving the bus, i.e. making the hard decisions and letting Obama be a "figurehead."

Or, if you want to be more direct, a bloodless coup where the Armed Forces do what Obama is allegedly not doing - protecting America from enemies foreign and domestic. Obama is more comfortable getting the Chicago 2016 Olympics and cozying up to dictators and notsogoodniks. Oh, and raising taxes and redistributing income.

Which leads me to the title of this entry. Salvador Allende was elected the President of Chile in the late 1960s. Which was perfectly fine and legal - as Allende was an avowed Marxist and actually got street cred - until you realize when you give a Marxist power, s/he wants all of it. All was well until the Supreme Court of Chile decided enough was enough and the military deposed Allende in a coup. Allende, seeing his power vanish before his eyes, committed suicide. Thus the democratically elected Marxist was replaced with the military junta led by General Augusto Pinochet, who himself had a checkered past - including consolidating power to himself and strictly suppressing speech and freedoms, mixed in with a few "hey, where did Allende's supporters disappear?".

Could a military coup or dictatorship happen here? It's an interesting thought, but a serious one too. If all else in our government ever failed due to disaster or attack, the Armed Forces would have to step in to maintain some semblance of order. There's always the fear of the military or any group in time of crisis taking away the Consitution, the writ of habeas corpus, heavy doses of censorship, etc. Congress would have to take orders from five-star generals and admirals rather than the President. It would be temporary, however, once the chaos lifts and the generals return power to the President.

If Obama is doing a bad job and the military thinks that America is in danger because of his inactivity, then the military should come forward and state their lack of confidence in Obama's ability - and then let Obama defend his positions and schemes.

If Obama cannot, that's a sign of weakness and Obama must decide whether or not he needs better advice - and not from the hard-charging flunkies who want to tax sodas or send Bush's former administration to trial - or he should simply resign with honor, saying "Sorry, guys, I thought I could do it, but I'm just too overwhelmed." It will result in a lot of "I told you so's" from his critics and pleas from his fans to stay (some of which are getting creepily more ardent and fervent by the day), but he will walk away with the respect of the nation.

If Obama stubbornly refuses, or parrots his agenda, then the problem lies either with Obama and his circle of friends, his grand vision for a socialized America, or that someone who has wanted to control America for a long time - perhaps one not of American origin, and certainly one with billions of dollars of influence - is using the weak Obama as a Petri dish, one who they know is as soft as a ripe banana and will appease, agree to get along, and not interfere with their grand vision, and then elect a hard-line dictator of their own to depose Obama.

Thankfully, Obama has one thing up his sleeve that would likely prevent the military from taking over, and that is even though on the surface he seems naive, he isn't. I don't agree with many of his policies, but you also have to remember he's still a politician, and a crafty Chicago machine politician at that. Think about it - he's a wheeler-dealer, a charmer, one who can use his charisma to do things, but on the other hand, he's smart enough not to fall into the collective Borg hive of K Street. Sure, Let's Make a Deal isn't the best way of handling the Middle East, but in private, he's in constant contact with Israel, and surreptitiously getting advice from actual adults (not the petulant and cliquey teenagers that run Congress) on how not to screw up the Middle East.

Obama isn't near Salvador Allende, but if he's not careful, we may find out how we have to keep Joe Biden from inserting his foot into his mouth.

Julia Child: A foodie's goddess, a control freak's Mephistopheles

In this article, a member of the restaurant industry puts out the word that, yes, you can have your cake or hollandaise or Bloomin' Onion, but make sure you get some exercise. Otherwise, the armada of finger waggin' nannies will come to your door and raid your cabinets.

I'm currently into a program with a dietician that emphasizes fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and the like. I feel 100% better. At first, I missed caffeine and pancakes and that heavenly coffee roll with the white icing they sell at work, but then I discovered for half that amount of calories, I could have two slices of whole grain bread, peanut butter, and yogurt and be completely full hungry at 11am. I don't have those urges to raid the vending machine, except for the $2 Clif bar I buy. I even think I've lost weight.

That doesn't mean the health Puritans should slap the occasional cheeseburger and fries out of my hands. Sure, show me (not lecture, hector, cajole or anything resembling finger wagging) better food choices and their advantages, but unless you want a counterlecture on why strangers should mind their own damn business and not dictate their dogma to people, you'll walk right on by and shut your damn mouth.

In fact, I think a lot of what motivates these health Puritans (I'm looking directly at you, Tom Friedman of the CDC, the biggest nanny-state prick on the planet) is that they fear that the lower classes will discover that the foods that the upper classes take for granted are actually a lot better, and demand for these boutique foods will skyrocket. Hence, keeping the poor fat and happy on HFCS and cheap food is better than growing more food that gives out continuous energy, and charging an obscene amount for fruit ($3.99 for a half pound of pineapple at Au Bon Pain, when you can get a whole pineapple for 99 cents a pound and cut it up yourself?) and veggies kinda defeats the purpose of "beating obesity."

Which brings me to another point: health Puritans can't stand the sight of people who aren't perfect in weight and proportion. Most of the time it's the heavy and obese, but wouldn't it be nice if these dingalings cast their jaundiced eye on anorexic and bulimic girls, who sometimes are so underweight that they look like Holocaust death camp survivors? And for what purpose do these young girls count calories, exercise to exhaustion, and then wonder why their hair is falling out and their friends and parents are pleading them to stop losing weight? Fashion? To get that cute boy from her biology class to notice her? Being anorexic is just as bad as being obese - unless the goal of the health Puritans is to have a class of wafer-thin automatons who only survive on lettuce and water.

So the point of his letter, save the author's reputation, is to do what the great Julia Child did: be as much pain in the ass to the health Puritans as possible. Proclaim loudly and proudly that an entire stick of creamery butter makes the pies much better tasting, not some "weak as water" stand in. Incorporate as much liquor as Julia did, but not to the point where your entire dinner party is blitzed when the dessert comes around - including the children. And while your vegetarian friend looks at you in horror as you devour that 1/3 pound Angus burger, blithely mention that Julia Child lived till she was 92, and not on Gardenburgers and soy milk.

Then, after the dishes are cleared, head outside for a walk.

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A Scotsman tells the truth about the cult of stupidity

Craig Ferguson, the wily yet funny Scot (and now American citizen) from the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson tells the New York Post about how the United States "celebrates" (quotes mine) the cult of stupidity.

In the past twenty years, we have certainly let ourselves be ruled by emotion, escapism, and empathy, not by science, rationality, or sophistication. It not only shows up in our music and entertainment, but by our philosophy and literature. Is it any wonder how American Idol (to me the most fixed show since the game show scandals of the 1950's) is a popular show while you can't find three people to sit down and watch Masterpiece Theatre? Do you wonder why contestants fail at Jeopardy! while they'll rush right up and try to beat an unseen Banker on Deal or No Deal?

Probably one of the best indicator of how far we've come along in two decades is MTV. In 1981, MTV brought forth new acts and cutting-edge music. A World Premiere Video of more than eight minutes was a huge thing. MTV Contests actually had music-related prizes in them!

Today, you get cuts of videos, plus 23 hours of social-conscience filler, plus old and washed-up rock stars getting their fifteen seconds of fame. On VH1 it's no better - a better name for that network would be All Trashy And IQ Deficient Losers Who Desperately Need Real Jobs.

We've stopped at becoming individuals with individual tastes and individual thoughts. There are still Americans who are creative, innovative, and smart. But they're derided as outcasts and are shoved well behind the curtain while overpaid athletes and B through Z starlets, bimbos and himbos are showered with money, hand over fist.

America doesn't suck. Not in the least bit. The only thing we have to do is rescue it from those who profit from celebrating the stupid, silly, superficial elements that feed into it - Hollywood and Washington would be great places to start.

Followup to "In Praise of MinuteClinic..."

As you may recall in a past post, I went to the CVS MinuteClinic to have earwax removed. I was hearing better, but somehow my mind was like, "just for your own safety, don't sleep on the right ear." I've been waking in the middle of the night, so my sleep cycle has been way off.

My 6 week appointment was due at the PCP and I arrived for my appointment early. He was running good this time, and in between talking about my weight (lost 5 pounds!) I mentioned my ear.

Unlike the NP, who used a WaterPik, my PCP used a giant syringe, which he loaded a warm solution and placed it into my ear canal and flushed it. It was actually a little more painful than the WaterPik, but it actually does a better job. There was only temporary hearing loss, but he discovered a huge plug that the NP couldn't get out.

The PCP had a huge curette that looked like tweezers. He told me to hold still, and then, a rush of air went to my ears. The giant plug was finally out. Now my hearing is 100% better.

I will still use the MinuteClinic when the PCP isn't around.

Cult of Personality - worship at your own risk

The only Michael Jackson I really liked was the MJ between 1979 (when "Off the Wall" came out) and 1983 ("Thriller"). That MJ was cool and had his music tighter than a drum and it sounded good. I couldn't moonwalk like him, but it was good music.

As he got through his 30s and 40s, MJ got more and more eccentric. Whispers of his Peter Pan complex and his prediliction for having young boys in his bed began to leak out. At first, people began to dismiss it as "Michael being Michael," or "aw, that's cute." When young boys came forward and started alluding that MJ was sleeping with these young boys, and much more than REM sleep. Then the whispers became screams, and suddenly the Jheri-curled dancer who made Thriller the best selling album of all time - 47 to 109 times platinum - transformed into an ugly, creepy pervert of a man.

During that time when MJ could do no wrong, and much like a blind parent who denies their child is committing these sins, their legions of hardcore fans still believe MJ is innocent. I myself think that some of the kids who came forward took advantage of MJ's Peter Pan complex, and MJ's fame could never, ever be tarnished, so payoffs were necessary to keep the press away - the same press who would singlehandedly destroy MJ if they were allowed to. The tabloids and the paparazzi do it with a malignant pleasure and accuracy that would make a dedicated sniper take notes.

There is a very dark side to this kind of idolatry, and that is to zealously and fervently protect the idol by any means necessary. The heckler's veto works wonders - mention that MJ was a pedophile and you're immediately branded a racist. The Manson family were experts at keeping up with Charles Manson's warped wishes - Squeaky Fromme could make a master class on how to carry on the Manson Family tradition by attempting to assassinate President Gerald Ford. North Korea has the market cornered on idol worship, as does Cuba, Libya, Zimbabwe, Iran, and many other dictatorships. (Unfortunately, Saddam Hussein is no longer available for comment.)

The press did wall-to-wall coverage of MJ's funeral, and I found it a disgusting display of excess. Even though MJ was the biggest record seller of all time, there are bigger - much bigger - fish to fry than to have a Hollywood-style funeral. If the press pursued other problems in our country and the world as fervently or more so than they did MJ's funeral, can you imagine the real, tangible change that could happen? If Lindsay Lohan breaks a nail, or Britney Spears forgets her underwear again, or we get the sad backstory of an American Idol contestant, or a rapper gets shot, or some kind of kitschy propaganda that we're supposed to practice but the celebrities do not it's immediate news. It's infotainment. The economy, wars, and other things gets shoved aside - which is really too bad.

That's it in a nutshell: the press raises lowlifes, douchebags, murderers, guerillas, floozies, corrupt, and the just plain evil to superhero status. It's a disgusting and disturbing trend done for one thing and one thing only: ratings. Snatch away the above low-hanging fruit and ban access to society's idiots, and the press is left to twist in the wind until another trendy story comes along.

Ironically, the people who deserve to be idolized don't want it. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, Richard Phllips, the Armed Forces, whistleblowers, nurses, EMT's, cops, firefighters, and many others sacrifice fame and glory because they don't want to be seen as spotlight hoggers. They just do their jobs, and they get their due applause when it's warranted, then go home. And they're modest - they don't cock their eyes and faces into some kind of Botox-laden pout and shift their bodies into model poses so the cameraman doesn't see the stains in their shirts or the runs in their nylons.

In our non-celebrity lives, we have our own, far more benign version of idolatry, which if we don't temper with reality we become obsessesive, infatuated, and then zealous, sometimes ending in "if I can't have you, no one else will." Love crushes are those harmless times of worship where we take our unrequited love and elevate them to a god-like status. More often than not, the object of your infatuation knows your designs and is flattered, but often it ends with a little bit of disappointment. When the crush gets blown into bigger-than-life status - just like Michael Jackson - it can be devastating to learn that the crush is not a nice person at all, and is likely using your infatuation as a springboard to someone else, or just for their own shallow entertainment. It shows more insecurity and manipulation than anything else.

Whoever you make your hero, beware the cult of personality. There are no perfect idols in the world; just a lot of false ones. Barry Gibb wasn't kidding when he talked about his baby brother Andy's "first fame," which brought him riches and Victoria Principal to his front door. What destroyed Andy Gibb? Drugs and a heart attack from myocarditis - all because he wanted everyone to love him.

Good food vs. social Puritanism

I've never been to the South Street Diner - at any hour - but as far as I know, it's open 24 hours a day.

It may be no longer - either in hours or existence - if the city of Boston decides to close it down after 2am.

Why? Well, the bars close at 2am, and those sober enough to walk down and get a greasy repast to absorb their booze are "too noisy," according to some wealthy residents who live two doors down from the diner.

I will side with those residents on that case because I've seen my share of obnoxious drunks in my time - ones who can't assemble a single coherent sentence thanks to liquor tongue and engage in numerous Dutch courage fights to assert their temporary bravado, and wonder why they're in handcuffs at the end of the night.

Where I will not side with these yuppies is the sheer amount of arrogance and entitlement they think they possess - that it will take only two people to rid themselves of what they think is a "nuisance." Maybe they shouldn't have bought their ultra-expensive apartments if they knew they'd be next to a diner that does an excellent business. Since downtown apartments are very hard to come by, the cachet of having one puts you in an enviable position. It doesn't give you the right or power to control the activities of everything and everyone else around you (see: The North End Italian festivals, the South End, Central Square, etc.).

If the diner were much more upscale (or trendy, as in "slow food" or "organic") and it were open 24 hours a day, there would be no problem. In fact, the people would be in the restaurant feasting on exclusive foods and expensive beverages that the ordinary person at South St Diner could never afford, regardless of the degree of obnoxiousness and intoxication. The place would be celebrated by upscale foodies across the area, yet a minimum wage worker couldn't even afford the appetizer or even the side dish.

So it goes with all food - the cheaper the food item, the more disdain it generates from those who think they know better. Control food, and you control the masses - or even better, "If I can't have it, neither will you." Only a selfish, myopic, sociopathic asshole possesses those beliefs - and I can bet that they were denied those treats when they were younger. The movement to tax sodas, foods and the like is not to reduce obesity or improve health, but an effort by the insecure to hustle those who are not like Abercrombie & Fitch models out of society - Stepford people writ large. (You notice there isn't as big a movement for anorexia and binge-purging? God forbid we should tell young girls who constantly starve themselves to less than 70 pounds that it's equally dangerous?)

I'm hoping the South St Diner situation works out in the diner's favor. Otherwise, the blame for putting people out of business won't lie with economics - it will lie with people who are more scared for their property values than for making a living.

UPDATE 7/8 - The diner stays open 24/7 - because the complainants never bother to show up.

In praise of CVS MinuteClinic, or your wax out in a jiffy

This might seem like the grossest thing in the world, but it's also the least harmful healthwise.

Over the past two decades, my love for music has given me occasions of earwax impaction, thanks to headphones and the like. The first time I had it in 1992, my right ear was plugged solid, and when ExpressCare in Hyde Park was still open, I got my ears cleaned out and all I could see was this brownish-yellow plug of hard wax. A thing of beauty - if you're into cerumenical exorcism.

Over the past week, my right ear has been full of wax. I would wake up at 4:30 in the morning, one ear plugged. Today, rather than shelling out $100 to go to the ER, I went to the MinuteClinic over at Porter Square in Cambridge. I actually went there yesterday to check out the joint (not before seeing a bum nearly get run over on Somerville Avenue and enter the CVS on a mission only he understood) but as the Minute Clinic closed at 7, I decided to return today.

I got there around 3:30. I signed in my information at the kiosk, and as there was no one waiting to be served, the very nice Nurse Practitioner took me not 5 seconds later. (If only this could happen at my PCP, who takes me one hour later than scheduled!)

After filling in my health details (and took my pulse and BP) she performed the procedure. She had a device like a WaterPik for the ears and sounded like a Crest SpinBrush. Both ears were plugged pretty good, but the right one was giving me the most trouble.

The left ear went first. After a few seconds of blasting through the thick goo that was my earwax, my left ear was clean. I was, to paraphrase the mighty Kate Jackson, "in the land of CFH (cerumen free hearing)."

The right ear, on the other hand, was more difficult. First, it was irrigated with the WaterPik, then some of the wax was extracted with a curette. Once the curette hit the sensitive part of my ear (to the point where I said "Ouch!") she stopped and gave it another hit with the WaterPik. Then she stopped and said, "there is still a little bit wax is right near the membrane - I don't want to go any further because I might rupture, but you can continue using the ear drops or salie solution to soften it some more. It will likely come out on its own, but come back here if it doesn't." (She laughed when I said, "How come I know a lot more about my ears versus my blood pressure and weight?")

I still feel a little bit of fullness in that ear (about 80% CFH), but with the Similisan Ear Wax relief (which made my earwax removal much more pleasant), I believe she will be correct. Once I lay my ear on the pillow, maybe the fluid/wax will roll right out and I'll get that great rush of air to my ears - that 100% CFH.

The CVS MinuteClinic is a godsend and a convenience that can't be beat. Even if you don't have health insurance (I paid my copayment), the prices for certain situations are far more reasonable than you would have to pay at an ER, although not all situations can be covered at the MinuteClinic. (Have a snakebite? Have a gash? Have H1N1? Not recommended.) It is also much faster to be seen at a MinuteClinic for a minor health situation versus the inconvenience of scheduling an appointment with your PCP to be told, "It'll clear up in a couple of days." And PCP's can't be seen on weekends, after hours, or other inconvenient times unless you're in a life-threatening situation.

It could be why MinuteClinics haven't shown up in Boston - the mayor doesn't want "retail infirmaries" treating people with minor illnesses. This is because MinuteClinics would compete directly with "world class" hospitals and doctors for patients at a much lower cost and would diminish the role of the PCP as the gatekeeper of all health issues. It doesn't make sense for people with minor injuries have to wait for care from their PCP, especially on the weekends, or have to shell out a much higher copay at the ER. The "continuum of care" will still be there; it just took the urgency of the situation and the ambition of the patient to take action.

That is why I made the choice to have my earwax situation taken care of now, rather than waiting two weeks for my PCP to do the same thing and have my ears plug up worse. This is why I had to go to Cambridge to do it, and I'd do it again above Mayor Menino's (and my PCP's) objections. In some cases, the People's Republic of Cambridge does the right thing for its people, even if they're not full time residents.

The tax of least resistance, Part II

Now the House is batting about a 7% state sales tax, according to the Globe.

In my last entry, I stated that the sales tax is a tax of least resistance. Here is a more in depth reason why it is, and why I prefer it over all other taxes.

You can avoid paying gas taxes by taking public transportation. Having ridden the T for over 25 years, I can tell you that taking the T can be pretty convenient. If you work in Downtown Boston, the trip from Hyde Park to South Station is about 14 minutes. The travel time via car is 35 minutes. If I-95 had been built through Hyde Park, the trip to Downtown Boston would take about 7 minutes total - a 50% reduction in time.

I commute to Watertown, which from Hyde Park is a 15 mile journey. I now have to factor in a commuter rail ride, a Red Line ride, and a trackless trolley ride. The best time I have commuted from Hyde Park to Watertown is 42 minutes. With MBTA delays, crowded buses, traffic and the like, my commute ranges from 1 hour to 1-1/2 hours, all for that 15 miles.

By car, the distance is about 10 miles, and the travel time is about 25-30 minutes. On a 20 mile per gallon gas tank and gas at $2.00 per gallon, my one-way cost is $1.00. If the gas tax is hiked 20 cents, my cost goes up to $1.10. If I paid everything with cash - no CharlieCard discount - my cost would be $7.75 one way, based on a $4.25 commuter rail fare, $2.00 subway fare, and a $1.50 bus ride. So to avoid a 19-25 cent per gallon gas tax, instead of paying $2-2.20 a day, I would now be forking over at least $10 a day just to make that 15 mile journey, up to $15.50.

The per-day costs do go down considerably if you do buy a monthly pass. For example, a $59 LinkPass would cost you $2.95 for each of the 20 days you use it, or $2 a day if you use it all 30 days - a savings of $3 a day. A $135 Zone 1 pass would cost $6.75 a day per 20 days or $4.50 for 30 days. For the most expensive pass - Zone 8 at $250 - 20 days would be $12.50 a day and 30 days would be $8.33 a day.

The basic point is this: for all that effort to "get cars off the road" due to a hike in the gas tax, people will now pay much more to ride the T to avoid the gas tax if they pay cash and don't have a monthly pass. That means people who can't afford a monthly pass - read: the poor - will end up paying more to ride the T - sending them to their cars for a cheaper, quicker ride. For all that effort to get cars off the road due to a higher gas tax, more people will avoid taking the T because it is prohibitively expensive because they can't afford the passes, and end up driving anyway. Pretty much a zero sum game.

The sales tax, however, cannot be avoided. Everyone - rich, poor, middle class - cannot wriggle out of paying a sales tax at the cash register, and only under certain circumstances, such as food and clothing. A person paying $200 for an iPod pays $10 in sales tax now. If the 7% sales tax goes through, they will now pay $14 in tax - an extra $4 or 40%. If you buy a laptop for $1,000, you would pay $50 now, but $70 if the tax passes. You can still head to New Hampshire and buy your goodies tax-free, but if you're planning to eat at the food court, New Hampshire has an 8% "prepared meals" tax, which carries a 60% premium over our current meals tax of 5%.

A higher sales tax also takes money from people who pay very little in income taxes - either those who don't earn enough and get tax credits, or those who participate in dubious activities and have their monies set up to avoid a huge tax bite - like offshore bank accounts, money paid "under the table" and the like. If you can buy a $60,000 Corvette on your gains - illicit or not - you can fork over $4,200 in sales tax to the state. If you can buy a $3 million home in a gated community, there's no reason to shell out $21,000 to the Commonwealth.

There are a lot of people who think they are entitled to everything without paying a single penny, or that the state can vacuum all the money out of our pockets through nuisance taxes. If the state is absolutely serious about getting money into our coffers to remain solvent and to avoid cuts in service, it has to take that risk of angering the public. The public must participate one way or another - either by begrudgingly paying more in sales tax, or flipping the switch for the opponent of those who voted for the sales tax, gas tax, or any type of tax.

The passive-aggressive approach hasn't and won't work.

The tax of least resistance

The Boston Herald proffers the 1 cent hike in the sales tax, which is gaining a much closer by look by the Legislature than all the seizure and social engineering taxes that are being bandied about, will kill the economy, "hit the poor where they can least afford it" (when people say that, it reminds me of those noisemakers little kids wing around their heads, and it sounds just as obnoxious), and send our Commonwealth into a death spiral.

This is one instance where I strongly disagree with the Herald from its editorial point of view.

Of all the taxes we pay, a sales tax is the tax of least resistance. You don't need to fill out forms and send them in by April 15. It shows up on your receipt when you pay for things. With the exception of New Hampshire, our sales tax at 5% is lower than Rhode Island's 7%, Connecticut and Vermont's 6%, and is at par with Maine's at 5%.

I believe, though, that a 6% tax the Commonwealth is proposing is not enough. If you really want to bring in the big money - even at hue and cry of critics - the sales tax and the income tax should be combined into a state sales tax of 12.5% - our current 5% sales tax, plus current income tax of 5.3%, plus an extra 2.2%. We will succeed California in having the have the highest sales tax in the nation, but we will also join the ranks of states with no income tax - like New Hampshire. The state income tax would then be eliminated - so in effect, it'll be a victory - if late and backdoor - for Question 1 if the 12.5% sales tax ever came to effect.

Critics, like the Boston Herald and community groups, will complain that the state sales tax hike will hurt the poor the most, as it's a regressive tax, and that this sales tax hike will kill business, introduce layoffs, and accelerate middle class flight. It will also prove a goldmine to New Hampshire, who has no state sales tax or income tax.

With the new sales tax of 12.5% and the subsequent elimination of the income tax, the monies taken out on every paycheck in MA income tax weekly or biweekly will actually give people extra money to spend or invest. People can take that money and put it into their 401(k)'s if they like, but the tradeoff is that when they buy something, they will pay those taxes at the cash register, daily and automatically. Massachusetts will become more attractive to business and production and attract more workers as there is no income tax to consider. There will still be exemptions for food and clothing - including snacks and beverages.

The amount of money brought in If a 6% sales tax brings in an extra $750 million a year, a 12.5% sales tax will bring in $5.625 billion - a healthy amount of money. The 12.5% tax can help retire the MBTA's long-standing debt and breathe new life into the system, bringing it out of its urban decay and into the 21st century.

Everyone praises New Hampshire for having no sales and income tax, but they are not completely tax-free. New Hampshire has an 8% prepared foods and meals tax. Consider that when you save $10 on a $200 iPod, buying a $10 meal at the food court will cost you 80 cents in tax in New Hampshire versus 50 cents here - a 60% difference! Property taxes in New Hampshire are also high, second only to New Jersey as the highest in the nation. So while people would high-tail it to get their sales tax free goods, eating and living there is just as cost-prohibitive.

Massachusetts has proven itself to be an innovator in many things, so why not put this consumption tax to the test? Like same-sex marriage and mandatory health care, Massachusetts has become a place where "what ifs" that were never thought about came true, even though they are imperfect. Again, the 12.5% sales tax will be high and there will be a lot of complaints from many people. This new, all-inclusive sales tax can be an experiment for other states to see if a consumption tax really works, and if it does, set aside their income taxes. If it doesn't bring in the money it's intended to bring in, then the income tax can return at its old rate.

I admit I hate paying taxes, especially high ones. Personally, I can deal with a 6% sales tax. It is a hike of 100 basis points (a basis point is 1 hundredth of one percent), or (as the Herald correctly puts it) 20% more than the 5% sales tax we pay now, doing so at the cash register will be much easier than shoving down severe cuts in MBTA service and the 19 cent gas tax down people's throats.

A side note: Since the Lottery is a voluntary tax, what should also happen is that the Commonwealth should drop Lottery payouts from 69-85% - the most generous return to players in the nation - to a uniform 50-55% payout on all tickets. (This can easily be done by reducing the money pool to pay high-tier winning tickets without changing the money pool of low tier tickets. A better explanation of what I'm taking about is that is here.) Lottery players will cry, "they took out all the big winners!" but it will save the state a lot of money that can be used for other programs. Also, cutting down the grand prizes will also help - it's nice to pay $10 for the privilege of winning $2.5-$5 million, but many other states have prizes for $100,000-$250,000 for the same privilege - and it's paid out all at once.

For Kate Jackson (no waaahmbulance required)

Kate Jackson, late of the Pointy Universe, is going through a little bit of trouble in her next phase of cancer treatment.

Namely, the blues have come to the Pointy Universe. Those days where you finally chuck your clogs and yell out a nice, hearty, cleansing FUCK to the air and the people around you, and then collapse to the ground in sobs.

You sometimes don't know what to say to a cancer patient, even if they're a cancer survivor. My father didn't survive, yet he managed to live every single moment until his final days. He never said, "give up your time to take care of me. I'm terminal, so feel sorry for me." He joked and looked at his coming passing as a gift, a relief, a normal process in life. Even though it had to come at 63 years of age, he went through it like a trouper.

The great thing to experience is talking to a long-term cancer survivor - or one who had stage I or II cancers (even stage III) and haven't had a problem for years. I know of one woman who is on my team at work who went through that hell of chemo and radiation and finally returned to work, albeit on a reduced 32 hours per week schedule. Another woman on another team came in with blonde hair one day and brunette hair the next. Still another wore a bandanna. And they come in with the energy of teenagers.

It's also OK to feel guilty, anxious, scared - biting your lip and having someone say, "I like your lip color" and then showing up at the ER for stitches. It's a normal process to shut the door and have "chemo blues" (replete with shaking sobs and tears running down your face) versus "chemo brain" (where you wear two different colors of knee highs AND shoes and somehow Glamour magazine puts the black bar of shame over your face, forever branding you a fashion Don't.)

When it's over and your hair has grown back to flowing hair, you'll look back and say, "Man, those blues were so yesterday" and redeem yourself as a fashion "do" with a killer dress and killer heels.

(Aside: Be kind to your hubby and your kids. They're rooting for you.)

Why snack taxes don't work, Exhibit #2,384

Going into the L'il Peach (now Tedeschi's) to buy a newspaper for the train/bus rides into Watertown, I literally have to go around groups of kids waiting to go into the Rogers. If I'm lucky, I'm able to purchase my paper (and a lottery ticket or two) before they can slam all of their sugar-laden junk onto the counter.

Here is my bit of friendly advice to Ray Considine, who is the head of the Medical Foundation in Boston. A lot of those kids come to Hyde Park from other parts of the city - mainly the inner city, like Roxbury and Dorchester. Their families likely cannot afford organic/vegan/super healthy things to begin with, so the kids don't get a healthy, nourishing breakfast. So they either (a) wait until they get into school, where the breakfast they serve is so bad even the rats refuse to eat it, or (b) they purchase quick cheap energy, like L'il Hugs, Doritos, and Little Debbies. Not many of them would be patient enough to buy a banana or buy a little cup of Milk and Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Unless you want a full-bore black market on junk food - to which many kids will gladly profit from and mark up the price to willing demand - forget the snack tax. It's a tax that will not fund health programs or anything remotely resembling health. (Notice I'm using the word "health" and not the diaphanously ambiguous and Orwellian "wellness.") They will be boomerang taxes, going from the poor to the government to fill their rainy day fund.

"But it will only add up to pennies!" you proclaim.

Horse hockey. For every dollar these kids spend, it's 5 pennies to the state. Five percent sales tax. Add that to a $1.50 bottle of soda, plus a five cent deposit, and it's a sneaky/stealth/backdoor 8% sales tax. A kid with two bottles of soda at $1.50 each, plus two hostess at a dollar, and a bag of Doritos at $0.75, is looking at a 7% tax. (The good thing is that they're not buying cigarettes at a national/state take of 50-60%, which I learned isn't going anywhere near smoking prevention programs, but to...wait for it...the rainy day fund.)

What are the efforts to control our smoking and eating habits anyway? I call these efforts health eugenics - the efforts of a government to conform the citizens into a perfect, docile, asexual, compliant group of Stepford people. Utopia ain't here and never will be. Trying to manipulate life and people for the promotion of utopia has violent, even deadly, results.

Some ideas on tobacco

I am a non-smoker. I have smoked maybe once or twice, but never took up the habit. My mother is an 18-year non-smoker, quitting in 1991. My brother quit in 2000. I do not have a problem with smokers, however - if they choose to take up the habit, I'm not going to stop them.

I have always stood by the notion that the taxation system we have in our country is circular. The government slaps taxes on the rich, and the government gives money to the poor. The poor think they're on easy street - until they have to fork over fees, taxes and other items, making them even poorer. And of course, all these taxes fliter right back to the government.

I think the state has just as much of an addiction to sin taxes as smokers do to cigarettes. I would bet most of that tax money doesn't quite make it to children's health care, or smoking cessation programs, or the like. Rather, it makes up for budget shortfalls and pork - so even though the thin veil is "for the children," it's really "for the government who can't control their spending and rely on the people to fund their shortfalls." The Carrie Nations of tobacco - the finger waving nags and lobby-funded nannies who seem to have no problem with being "control freaks" - until the revenue dries up when smokers finally quit or the state bans tobacco entirely. Then they need a huge nicotine-style patch to get over their money cravings.

I offer four ideas that may or may not assist in the fight between government and smokers.

1. Rather than banning cigarettes outright, put them under state monopoly - liquor and lottery tickets too.

Taking tobacco products off the shelves of convenience stores and liquor stores in a Carrie Nation-style fervor shifts the tobacco sales underground. Taking them off the shelves and making the state responsible for pricing and distributing these items is a much better alternative, as it puts the full onus of monitoring and sales on the Commonwealth, not on mom-and-pop stores. If it includes State Police monitoring IDs, all the better, as mom-and-pop stores shell out punitive fines for catching underage smokers.

In fact, tobacco and liquor should be put under state monopoly. If the state of New Hampshire can be successful in having State Liquor Stores, so can the Commonwealth. Let the convenience and liquor store lobby seethe - many have done a lax job in monitoring anyway and have the fines and multiple-day sales prohibitions to show for it. The Commonwealth will no longer have to shell out commissions or fees, and can be in direct competition with New Hampshire. It will also force the Commonwealth to defend itself against critics - "If smoking is so dangerous, why is the state being a enabler? Must be for the taxes, correct?"

2. Illustrate the total price -including wholesale, distribution and marketing fees, federal, state, and sales taxes - for a pack of cigarettes.

People are already angry that their cigarettes are pushing $9 a pack. $3.52 of that is federal and state tax, plus an additional 20-40 cents in sales tax. On the really cheap cigarettes - which last year were $4 and now are $6 - the wholesale prices really shock the dickens out of smokers, i.e. "They buy for this cheap and they sell it for this outrageous price?"

E.g. $4.00 wholesale per pack of premium cigarettes + $1.01 federal tax + $2.51 state tax + $0.38 sales tax = $7.91 per pack. Total tax take based on price - 50%.

E.g. $2.50 wholesale per pack of budget cigarettes + $1.01 federal tax + $2.51 state tax + $0.30 sales tax = $6.33 per pack. Total tax take based on price - 61%.

These taxes are far higher and easier to collect than the income tax of 35% - and everyone pays it. They are definitely regressive - meaning the poor, who pay little or no income taxes, will see themselves forking over almost 61% in tobacco taxes instead - hence the circular function of taxation in our country, from rich to the government in taxes, the government to the poor in entitlements, and then the poor back to the government in sin taxes and fees.

Another interesting thing to consider: when minimum wages in the 1970s were $1.25 per hour, a pack of cigarettes cost around 40 cents, so a MW earner could buy about 2 packs of cigarettes. Today, the state mimimum wage is $7.50, and now a pack of cigarettes costs $8 and effectively prices a MW worker out of a pack of cigarettes by 50 cents, yet it also removes one potential revenue source. The government loses out on tax revenue when a MW worker cannot afford to buy the premium cigarettes at $8 a pack.

3. For those who wish to quit, the lure of free money is always the best incentive.

The Commonwealth should institute a program that encourages people to quit. Take a sliver of all that tax money collected from smokers and offer them a deal - go into a smoking cessation program (with patches, chewing gum, pills and the like) and if they successfully complete a six month program, you can take $2,500 off your taxes. After that, all that money in taxes you spent on cigarettes is yours to keep and save - and invest wisely.

4. For once and for all, investigate the effects of tobacco, free of politics and lobbyists - and then release the results to the public and take appropriate action.

If independent research - free from lobby groups, rigged numbers that trill of the tip of the tongue, and others - determine that tobacco is indeed dangerous and has caused deaths and health problems, then the people and the Commonwealth can come to an agreement on what the next step is. If a ban is appropriate, then so be it. If putting gross pictures of cancer victims will be an effective deterrent, even better.

Aside (in honor of Kate Jackson at Pointy Universe): When I watch those ads on TV with the young college kids demonstrating all the icky things that happen when you smoke, or all that statistical mumbo-jumbo, I think to myself, "What do they do afterwards? I know...they pull out a big fat joint and take a hefty drag on it." (Yes, Kate - this proves I do read your blog!)

But giving the responsibility of research to the tobacco or anti-tobacco lobby invites trouble, as the statistics can be skewed one way or the other to their favor.

Not all of you will agree with my proposals. They are ideas worth considering, however.

Not quite a one newspaper town?

The New York Times is telling the unions at the Globe: give us $20 million in concessions, or the Globe will be no more.

And the Old Grey Lady isn't kidding.

I sometimes read the Globe and even though I don't agree with its editorial slant, I feel just a teeny bit smarter. The problem is that the Globe is geared to the upper-middle and upper classes of Boston; the Herald, while tabloidy and sensational, is for the more working-class of us.

The Metro? The bastard child of the Herald and the Globe that no one wants to admit is theirs. The Globe owns that too; maybe they should get an reasonably balanced editorial board and cut all the crap out of it.

Grandma got run over by the DOR

I don't condone smoking, but I just noticed that cancer sticks, over the past decade or so, have more than doubled in price. You could get a generic brand of smokes for $2, and a name brand for $3. Today, a generic pack costs $5.50 and a name brand pack is $7.50. This is due to our $2.51 state tobacco tax and the new $1 or so tax to fund children's health care. Cross the border into New Hampshire, and the prices are slightly less.

One industrious lady went the route of getting generic cigarettes from an Native American Smoke shop. One carton of their brand goes for the rock-bottom price of $14.89 - which comes out to 79 cents a pack. Pretty good deal, right? And the Native Americans, since they operate from a sovereign nation (aka the reservation), don't charge taxes on what they sell. You can get name brand cigarettes for $35 a carton - a huge savings over Massachusetts' $150 per carton.

But the Native Americans, making sure they keep kosher with the states, report whoever buys their cigarettes to the tax rolls of each state. As a result of buying 5 cartons of Seneca unfiltered cigarettes, this woman now must pay an additional $91.58 to the state. And, she's refusing to pay, even if they levy penalties and interest.

Let's calculate what's going on here. $14.89 times five cartons is $74.45. In order to tack on $91.58 to her bill, the tax on each additional carton must be $18.316, making her actual purchase (in the eyes of the Commonwealth) $166.03 - or $33.21 a carton. Why would the state chase this woman over cheap generic cigarettes at $33.21 a carton when there are bigger fish to fry - the people who fork over $150 for name brand cigarettes? Maybe it's because the Native Americans have a much better handle on freedoms and what it means, versus the health neurotics who can't seem to keep their germophobic mitts out of other people's business - and if they had a chance, not only would they not hand over names, they'd tell the states what rabbit hole to go down to?

When cigarettes and tobacco are banned from the state, I can tell exactly who's going to need the bigger nicotine patch - the Mass DOR, as billions of tax dollars generated from cigarette and tobacco sales fund everything the desire, and you bet they'll have a jones worse than a heroin withdrawal once that tax money goes away.

Kate Jackson's battle with cancer, served up with a wink and a slice of sass

Kate M. Jackson was a graduate of the Boston Latin Academy class of 1988, and is currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

Her blog, Pointy Universe, is a great blog that takes us on her journey with with interest, humor, and ruefulness about what happens when cancer occurs and how people deal with the hair falling out, the 15 hour sleep sessions, and the nausea.

Kate, should you read my blog between the sessions of red death and radiation, I graduated two years later in 1990...I'm the tall red headed guy with glasses. The DFCI people are fantastic and will help you through this journey...they helped my dad through his treatments until his final days. Ad aspera ad astra, and your hair will grow back!

Memo to Globe: Grab Universal Hub NOW

Dan Kennedy from Media Nation has one demand: the Boston Globe, if it wants to shake itself out of its stodgy doldrums, must hence and forthwith acquire Universal Hub and Adam Gaffin.

First, I am a frequent blogger whose material frequently appears on Universal Hub, and whenever I see a post from my blog appear on Universal Hub, it gives me encouragement to post more here. I can comment there without having some obnoxious schmo (ahem, I mean, 'concerned citizen') try to convince the board that (insert wacky, obtuse pet theory or slogan here) and that I'm wrong for pointing out the error of their ways.

Second, if the Globe wants to get its credibility back (see: "g", the Mike Barnicle plagarism incident, supplying WTKK with most of its material), it should relentlessly seek Mr. Gaffin's talents. I like viewing his page because there is stuff for everyone. Real diversity there, all for the taking.

Finally, I know the Globe is hurtin' because no one's picking up the print anymore - or if they are, they're lining their birdcages with it. I'm not looking for the Globe to suddenly turn into the Phoenix (sans adult section - nothing spells embarassment than telling your seatmate on the train, 'I remember when I had a Rabbit - a 1981 diesel operated Rabbit that lasted me until 2002...') and be the beacon of fake hipster angst. But the Globe has to get out of its stodgy Beacon Hill/Blue Book doldrums, and Universal Hub is that grease that will spin that squeaky wheel on Morrissey Blvd.

Class act Gil Santos silences his baritone voice for the final time

Gil Santos - long known as the voice of the New England Patriots and a fixture at WBZ-1030, said goodbye to his fans and listeners.

Gil Santos was a class act. Unlike sportscasters of today, who seem to scream over one another for attention, Santos knew how to grab his audience without turning them off. His excitement was genuine, not forced and followed by a plug for sketchy items like Cash4Gold or weight-loss scams. Like his news counterpart Gary LaPierre, who also retired not long ago, Santos was a fixture of the old style Boston news, one that told a story without flashy CGI graphics and teases for segments.

And, he doesn't have to get up at 3 in the morning anymore. That's a good thing.

It's the quiet ones you've got to watch, and the shy ones you've got to gently press

I posted an article about shyness in the workplace on Facebook from the New York Post (link here) and a few days later I got into a nice conversation from an old classmate of mine.

This classmate (female, if you want to know) said "I totally agree with you...I still blush once in awhile, but I'm beginning to become better at speaking up being more forward."

I think in all of my 37 years in existence, that message was like a tiny drop of water hitting a calm pool and reverberating throughout the pond. That simple message of "I know where you're coming from, I'm in the same boat" was nice, refreshing, honest, and direct.

For many years, I've held myself back, all because I thought the next words to come out of my mouth would either be a rooster's crow or something I would regret. I never went to dances, semi-formals, proms, or anything remotely resembling social gatherings because I was too shy to ask a girl out. Asking questions at my job takes a little bit of courage, but I always seem to preface it with a joke to take the edge off of that anxiety. Once the question's asked, though, I feel much better.

To "shore up" the shortcomings I have with the Cleary Squared tongue, I take solace in writing. I don't know if it's because the delete or backspace key is within easy reach, or I think better through a 110 key piece of machinery (I'm on my fifth keyboard in five years), but there's a certain satisfaction of clicking your way to a conversation, rather than coming up to someone face-to-face and going, "a-duh, homina, homina, homina" and actually insulting the one you intended to ask out for a coffee or a night out.

There are probably people who seem really bold, forward, almost obnoxious, who are actually as shy or reticent in person. The quiet kids who don't speak all that much actually tend to be funny and smart, but don't want to reveal all the cards they have in their deck until they know the proper time to use them. Sometimes people mistake the quiet people who don't say much for shy people who are too afraid to say anything.

Dear Patrick Swayze...

I watched your interview with Barbara Walters on YouTube.

I am the son of a lung cancer patient who died in 2005. When he was diagnosed in 2004, the cancer was discovered as osteosarcoma hit his femur and the bone snapped. The next day, tests confirmed that osteosarcoma came from a mass in his lung. We all got to watch cancer transform him the same way it's transforming you - weight loss, chemo, etc. You still don't look too bad, but those last few weeks he was alive, he was down at least 25-30 pounds. Not once, though, did he want pity, sorrow, or anything else. He still cracked jokes and did what he could to keep his quality of life until he drew his last breath on November 22, 2005. When my father finally passed away, however, I didn't scream or cry. I felt so relieved and happy that he didn't have to suffer through the monster that was cancer anymore.

When I watched that interview, however, not a single time did I say, "Poor guy, he's doesn't have that much time left." I said, "Wow, Patrick Swayze could kick cancer's ass and do a scene from Dirty Dancing at the same time!" (Or at least give it a temporary kick in the naughty bits.)
Certainly, it's going to be sad to leave your wonderful wife of 33 years, Lisa Niemi. It's still sad for my mother, as those past memories will rush up like a wave and crash at the least expected time. What's left over is not the body, not the voice that you hear when you wake up in the morning, but the memories and the love. That's the most wonderful gift you can leave before and after you die.

The late Bill Bixby once said, "People with cancer just die, give up...you can't do that." That's precisely what you're doing - keeping everything up just to maintain your sanity. We all die - that's a fact. When is the variable that makes us nervous - some die moments after they come out, others last for a century or more. Only God (or your favorite deity) knows for sure. When that moment comes, it will not be a sad moment. It will be a joyous one.

I wish you the best of luck during these times, and keep on with that uptempo attitude of yours!

Cleary Squared

I'll take the calorie counts, easy on the nanny statism, please

I know I'm fat. Not pleasingly plump, not extra padding, just plain, ugly, disgusting fat. The battle of the bulge has been going on for nigh on eighteen years, ever since I left working at a shoe store and found myself at a love affair with a computer and sedentary living. My doctor and I still can't understand why my blood sugar and cholesterol are so outstanding, but the dirty zone is the old gullet. Once in awhile, I hear hushed English voices trying to determine if I'm the second pregnant man in the world (or the first authentic pregnant man), but rest assured, you will all be the first to know if that gut was either a ectotopic newborn or just my huge stomach. I'm definitely not proud of it.

However, parents have been sort of looking the other way. They're too busy holding two jobs, watching their 401(k) dwindle to nothing, and basically surviving on the smell of an oily rag. A trip to McDonalds is Tavern on the Green, so why not fill their cherubs with stuff that will keep them happy while they try to beat the debt collector?

The things I've noticed in my gustational journeys are many. The more I think about it, though, I eat because (a) I'm hungry, (b) I'm bored, (c) things ain't going well in Cleary Squared land, (d) it's there.

What I've noticed in my eating habits is as follows.

- A few months ago, I went to Cambridgeside to grab some dinner. (I've been learning to eat at 5:00 because if I eat later, I wake up in the middle of the night sweating, leaching off that meatloaf or cheeseburger pie.) Taco Bell is one of the best places to get Mexican food, even though Qdoba and Chipotle make theirs much fresher. I couldn't get near the place, or even the register. Couldn't have been the 79, 89 or 99 cent taco/burrito specials, couldn't it? Cheap food = popular food, and no wonder - BK's value meals were clocking in at $7 minimum! And places like Sakkio (great chicken teriyaki) were also busy as beavers as they had $4.99 chicken teryiaki with maki rolls! The other specialty shops, however, were bare. The Indian shop hardly had a person there, as well as the Thai place and the mini-bistrots.

I think what bothers the health scolds is that when people don't have a lot of money, they're going to see what they can get for as little as possible - both monetarily and nutritionally. They can't swing over to Souper Salad or visit the local vegetarian place and hope that $5 will fill their tummies, when a single bowl of mugilltawany soup is $4.99 before taxes. If these health scolds want to introduce healthier foods to the public, bring down the exorbitant prices of healthy foods! Is it too much to say, "to hell with the bottom line and profits...let's make healthy food cheap!" This includes all of the trendy food items like organics and fair trade items - which are marked up considerably over plain Jane foods. I don't care if my blue corn chips came from an labor faction in Ecuador - all I want is affordable (and delicious!) food.

- I don't like Weight Watchers. Period. Most of the leaders are very nice, and have lost anywhere between 60 and 100 pounds. Weigh-ins I liked, because it was in front of the nice leader instead of my doctor, who keeps on (sarcastically) suggesting stomach surgery. The points system is pretty neat and scientific. The culture of meetings every single second, however, are the deal breaker. Weight Watchers is food's version of AA-I'm overweight, not injecting myself with 98% pure heroin and selling my kids to feed my habit. If my weakness is food, wouldn't a more rounded program of (a) one-on-one with a qualified nutritionist, (b) one-on-one with a qualified trainer, and (c) one-on-one with a qualified psychologist to dig deep down and figure out why I'm gaining all this weight? Forget all the fad crap, like Hydroxywhizbang and Dr. Lala's Cabbage and Lemongrass 30-day fast. I'd like to lose the weight and keep my sanity, thanks.

- Health eugenics - raising a more perfect human race through nutrition - is a dangerous thing. Self-righteousness is even more so, as the assumption that Your Way should be Everyone's Way is not merely arrogant, it's dead wrong. For every vegan (militant, obnoxious, or just a fussy pain in the ass) who throws a fit every time someone dares to bring in a hamburger, there is a long-time practicing vegetarian who can whip up a 100% vegetarian meal that looks like the real meat-laden McCoy and no one ever suspects a thing, and will not be bothered in the least if you drink skim milk in their presence. The way to introduce healthy eating and avoiding obesity is not to jam it down people's throats - although that hasn't stopped politicians from hiking cigarette taxes through the wazoo while redistributing that money through everything else but health. Sure, I don't mind calorie counts on the menus, and I hardly notice the missing trans fats. (It's a nice test in math to see if you can make a filling meal for under 500 calories.) When the busybodies (pardon me, the "concerned") delve into the holy nonsense of taxing sodas and pulling out vending machines because Heaven forfend there's a molecule of trans fat in it, that's when people get turned off into getting healthy, and do their best to sneak around it. Hey, prohibition really worked for Al Capone, didn't it?

The only person, believe it or not, who gets the health thing right is Richard Simmons. Kids are so overprotected and hovered over these days is that they don't get to run around and get the pent-up energy out of their systems - yet when these same kids get fat, the administrators and teachers panic and overcompensate. The best solution for this is bringing back physical education, something I give huge support to (even though back at Latin Academy, we had a huge floor that passed for "gym".) You get kids who get exercise and maintain a healthy life, and teachers get more attentive kids. Not a bad deal.