The altar of Gaia is fraught with Tofu-pup wrappers and crumpled pictures of Marx and Lenin in the nude

Note to the health Puritans and malignant gentry who are trying to hide their mega-control freak designs through Mother Earth - it's not nice to fool Mother Nature - in fact, pissing her off will give you something much more than you bargained for. 

If they weren't so obnoxious on your neo-Puritan crusade, and actually MINDED THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS, people wouldn't see them as the fussy eaters and spoiled children they really are.

When gentrification pisses off an entire neighborhood

Yuppie scum at its finest and most obnoxious, and a few questions:

1. How many of those condo units are affordable?

2. Are the loud booms from old Ironsides ruining people's whoopie making/yoga/debating sessions?

3. If you're here because it's an attractive area, why in blazes do you want to change it without a single shred of consideration for your neighbors, who were here much longer than you've been?

Good food vs. social Puritanism

I've never been to the South Street Diner - at any hour - but as far as I know, it's open 24 hours a day.

It may be no longer - either in hours or existence - if the city of Boston decides to close it down after 2am.

Why? Well, the bars close at 2am, and those sober enough to walk down and get a greasy repast to absorb their booze are "too noisy," according to some wealthy residents who live two doors down from the diner.

I will side with those residents on that case because I've seen my share of obnoxious drunks in my time - ones who can't assemble a single coherent sentence thanks to liquor tongue and engage in numerous Dutch courage fights to assert their temporary bravado, and wonder why they're in handcuffs at the end of the night.

Where I will not side with these yuppies is the sheer amount of arrogance and entitlement they think they possess - that it will take only two people to rid themselves of what they think is a "nuisance." Maybe they shouldn't have bought their ultra-expensive apartments if they knew they'd be next to a diner that does an excellent business. Since downtown apartments are very hard to come by, the cachet of having one puts you in an enviable position. It doesn't give you the right or power to control the activities of everything and everyone else around you (see: The North End Italian festivals, the South End, Central Square, etc.).

If the diner were much more upscale (or trendy, as in "slow food" or "organic") and it were open 24 hours a day, there would be no problem. In fact, the people would be in the restaurant feasting on exclusive foods and expensive beverages that the ordinary person at South St Diner could never afford, regardless of the degree of obnoxiousness and intoxication. The place would be celebrated by upscale foodies across the area, yet a minimum wage worker couldn't even afford the appetizer or even the side dish.

So it goes with all food - the cheaper the food item, the more disdain it generates from those who think they know better. Control food, and you control the masses - or even better, "If I can't have it, neither will you." Only a selfish, myopic, sociopathic asshole possesses those beliefs - and I can bet that they were denied those treats when they were younger. The movement to tax sodas, foods and the like is not to reduce obesity or improve health, but an effort by the insecure to hustle those who are not like Abercrombie & Fitch models out of society - Stepford people writ large. (You notice there isn't as big a movement for anorexia and binge-purging? God forbid we should tell young girls who constantly starve themselves to less than 70 pounds that it's equally dangerous?)

I'm hoping the South St Diner situation works out in the diner's favor. Otherwise, the blame for putting people out of business won't lie with economics - it will lie with people who are more scared for their property values than for making a living.

UPDATE 7/8 - The diner stays open 24/7 - because the complainants never bother to show up.

Putting people first

Another thought on Earth Day, from the Great White North.

Summary: when teachers scream at full-throat that learning multiplication tables is "dull, rote learning," then what the hell is screaming slogans about "saving the planet" and "reducing your carbon footprint?"

And I wonder why these same kids, when they reach college, are so underprepared that half of their freshman year is spent in remedial learning - you know, the lessons the idiot teacher should have prepared but was too busy watching An Inconvenient Truth for the eighteenth time.

And kudos to the first smart high school kid who says, "I think your statistics are hogwash, and you don't deserve the union-mandated salary to teach this environmental Inquisition. I'd like to learn the law of Cosines and Shakespeare, not the Gospel According to Al Gore and his Marxist buddies."

Get your control freak hands off my "everything!"

We read this article regarding an overarching desire for change (through the good people at lucianne.com) and discovered a few things that shocked us.

1. People secretly adore criminals because they're the ultimate rebels, until said criminals turn around, point a gun at your head, demand all your money, shoot you dead, and your friends are agog at the ruthless efficiency of their criminal nature!

2. "Everything must be different!" is a battle cry for "We're so overwhelmed with guilt we can't stand it! Let our control freak flag fly, establish totalitarianism for everyone, make people exceedingly poor - except us, where we'll be off in our own island, using the same slave classes to bring us drinks and food chop-chop while we bang out press releases and enjoy the fruits of their labors!"

3. "Now normal folks are speaking out in their own media, and it just freaks out our socialist Ruling Class." That's because the socialist Ruling Class are a bunch of control addicts who deserve every bit of venom cast towards their simpering maws, including extended middle fingers, blogs that blast every single conspiracy theory to dust, and people who "just don't get" the spoiled elite and find out answers for themselves!

MK+A Wannabes pollute Newbury St and Boston

An MKA* Wannabe is a female, often between the ages of 15-34, whose uniform consists of the following:

- sunglasses, the larger the better, to hide bloodshot eyes from wild nights of partying and copious amounts of Red Bull and vodka
- torn denim or stretch skirts OR highwater pants OR capris
- nylon leggings (with or without pantyhose, nylon knee-highs, or cute socks)
- beat up Keds, flip-flops, kung-fu shoes, ballet flats, or stripper shoes with lucite heels
- bedhead, hair piled up in a messy bun, or cut in a Mia Farrow pixie
- Daddy's platinum AmEx
- A giant bag that could fit at least two small children, or one large child
- A cell phone (permanently glued to their ear)
- rich boyfriend OR metrosexual male friend (with or without "benefits") OR homosexual male friend (the more flamboyant and swishy the better)

Bostonia Rantida, as well as the rest of us, would love to see these MKA wannabes off Newbury Street - maybe taking off their bug-eye glasses and crushing them and watching their mascara track down their face and their pink frost lip gloss quivering along with their chin would be a sight to behold.

* Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, the twins from Full House

Give Vermont back to the Vermonters, you illegal occupiers from the Upper West Side!

Native Vermonters, unite! Stand tall and oust the yuppies, hippies, socialists, members of the legislature who think Bush and Cheney should be impeached...bring your pitchforks, key the Priuses, bring dogs to Ben and Jerry's plant to add extra oomph to Chunky Monkey and a little tang to Cherry Garcia...take your wild children to break up the art galleries and antique shops...and send them back to the Upper West Side of Manhattan where they belong!

Upscale parents and elitists love Lecommunist Blocs!

Yes, comrades, it's Lecommunist Blocs, the new toy that's sweeping socially conscious and rich, guilty, white neighborhoods across the nation!

You can make real-life Soviet-era apartments for the serfs, complete with listening devices so that the Kremlin can hear every word (and squelch any dissent)!

Gulags...hard labor camps...Communist Party chambers...swank party member palaces...hotels for useful idiot celebrities...even Josef Stalin himself can be built with Lecommunist Blocs!

Each set comes with precisely 100 pieces, all colored gray and all the same size. They are to be distributed ten pieces per person, or else the Secret Police may take you in for "having too many pieces."

Act now, and we'll throw in How To Overthrow the Imperialist Amerikkkans And Avoid Treason and Jail Time* for free. We'll also give you How Rich White Guilty People Can Be Duped Into Hard Line Communism By Convincing Them It's "Social Justice" plus a few "secret" Lecommunist Blocs (the colored ones only Party Leaders have!)

* For residents of Seattle, Madison, San Francisco, Berkeley, Cambridge, Santa Cruz and Austin: we will substitute this book with Hate America, Love the Money for an additional $2.95.

Which UGGS bunnies had spray on tans?

The South End is Over hates UGGS worse than we do.

We have a brand-spanking new term for the wearer of UGGS...the UGGS bunny. Allow us to be stereotypical to what an UGGS bunny is...

1. Dirty blonde hair, put into an ugly, messy ponytail or strung through a metal barrette, with her bangs pulled back so severely you see her hair extensions.

2. A down jacket that drowns the woman in an unsightly swath of material.

3. A dark tan, a fake tan, or a ghastly white complexion.

4. Colored tights (tan pantyhose for the Back Bay Sloane Rangers) or bare legs

5. A denim skirt (the shorter and more ripped, the better)

6. A top-of-the-line cell phone glued to her ear, paid by mommy and daddy, carrying on a conversation about superficial things