Jules Crittenden gives us the roll call of idiots, dunces, know-nothings, and other people who should be thrown into the short bus of knowledge and have the truth drilled into them by hardcore Marine Corps DI's from Parris Island.
Item: if Jeff Spiccoli were around today, he'd dope slap Sean Penn - and not just for his cheesy mustache.
Item: Rosie O'Donnell - who thought that in ten years she'd drop from The Queen of Nice to the Queen of Conspiracy Theories?
3/27/2007
3/21/2007
Hands off my Egg Foo Young and my Sweet and Sour Chicken!
Anytime we read press releases from CSPI Food Police, it's always the same: attempt to forbid people from eating certain things by hyping how bad it is (fat grams, calories, etc.). People read the article, and do either one of two things.
1. They go out and purchase the things anyway, and enjoy it, Food Police be damned!
2. They research the CSPI's findings, and then actually listen to these self-righteous scaremongers who probably hide those "forbidden" things in their refrigerators.
The Americanized version of Chinese food (there is a difference; more detail in a moment) - the oily, grease-dripping, lotus-flour covered gems of glory - is what has the CSPI Food Police in an finger-wagging frenzy.
We'll agree with them that the stuff that's served in your local restaurant is nowhere near the "real deal" Chinese cuisine you get in Chinatowns across the nation. You won't get exotic noodle soups, dim sum, or any of the stuff Chinese locals consider staples unless you take the trip down to Chinatown and spend an extra couple of bucks for top-shelf stuff. On the other hand, damning all of the local Chinese restaurants for not offering healthier (for CSPI, it would likely be twigs, tofu and anything not involving any form of meat) dishes is not just simplistic, it's elitist and racist.
If you look really, really hard enough for better items, or ask your local Chinese food restaurant, not only will they gladly cook your food to order (it might take longer or it might taste different to other palates), they'll toss in a couple of recipes and direct you to dishes that are exotic, yet affordable, and can be done much more cheaply than ordering it from their place. What's scarier than the fat grams a certain Chinese dish might contain? The relative ease activists like CSPI can scare people, and give them fear and loathing in treats like food.
1. They go out and purchase the things anyway, and enjoy it, Food Police be damned!
2. They research the CSPI's findings, and then actually listen to these self-righteous scaremongers who probably hide those "forbidden" things in their refrigerators.
The Americanized version of Chinese food (there is a difference; more detail in a moment) - the oily, grease-dripping, lotus-flour covered gems of glory - is what has the CSPI Food Police in an finger-wagging frenzy.
We'll agree with them that the stuff that's served in your local restaurant is nowhere near the "real deal" Chinese cuisine you get in Chinatowns across the nation. You won't get exotic noodle soups, dim sum, or any of the stuff Chinese locals consider staples unless you take the trip down to Chinatown and spend an extra couple of bucks for top-shelf stuff. On the other hand, damning all of the local Chinese restaurants for not offering healthier (for CSPI, it would likely be twigs, tofu and anything not involving any form of meat) dishes is not just simplistic, it's elitist and racist.
If you look really, really hard enough for better items, or ask your local Chinese food restaurant, not only will they gladly cook your food to order (it might take longer or it might taste different to other palates), they'll toss in a couple of recipes and direct you to dishes that are exotic, yet affordable, and can be done much more cheaply than ordering it from their place. What's scarier than the fat grams a certain Chinese dish might contain? The relative ease activists like CSPI can scare people, and give them fear and loathing in treats like food.
3/20/2007
Narcissist-Leninist, si! Answer Questions? no!
hugo chavez, he of the "free oil bribes" that Joe Kennedy likes to promote, is avoiding one certain reporter in Orlando named Andreas Oppenheimer and his valid questions.
They are not the soft-ball questions Baba Wawa asked on 20/20. These are rational, adult questions that do not have pat answers - at least not ones the useful idiots will swallow like such flavorful candy. "You" in this case is the Venezuelan thug and chief narcissist/Leninist himself:
Our answers: military coups easily mollify protestors and give the dictator-for-life power much quicker; closing down independent TV stations gives you more time for insane, narcissistic ravings from a South American thug; fidel castro is popular because people are conditioned to fear him, as speaking out against fidel is a one-way ticket to a Cuban gulag, and OAS human-rights inspectors aren't loaded full of foreign useful idiots, political activists masquerading as celebrities, fawning editors of newspapers who wish their government could be overtaken in such a raw display of power, and publicity-hungry hucksters who believe the only way the world works is villains = good and heroes = bad. Oh, and those OAS people don't have those kicky blue hats that don't have sulfur in them.
They are not the soft-ball questions Baba Wawa asked on 20/20. These are rational, adult questions that do not have pat answers - at least not ones the useful idiots will swallow like such flavorful candy. "You" in this case is the Venezuelan thug and chief narcissist/Leninist himself:
If you are so democratic, why do you glorify military coups? If you are so progressive, why do you close down independent television stations? If your hero [f]idel [c]astro is so popular in Cuba, why doesn't he allow a free election? If you respect human rights, why don't you allow OAS (Organization of American States) human-rights inspectors into your country?
Our answers: military coups easily mollify protestors and give the dictator-for-life power much quicker; closing down independent TV stations gives you more time for insane, narcissistic ravings from a South American thug; fidel castro is popular because people are conditioned to fear him, as speaking out against fidel is a one-way ticket to a Cuban gulag, and OAS human-rights inspectors aren't loaded full of foreign useful idiots, political activists masquerading as celebrities, fawning editors of newspapers who wish their government could be overtaken in such a raw display of power, and publicity-hungry hucksters who believe the only way the world works is villains = good and heroes = bad. Oh, and those OAS people don't have those kicky blue hats that don't have sulfur in them.
3/10/2007
You know you're in Boston when...part 2
...you're at BU and someone says, "I remember when the BU School Bus was free" and then points to the Green Line trolley...
...a "spukie" is a sandwich, not some kind of low-level mobster...
...a "hoodsie" refers both to the ice cream cup and the young teenage girl...
...the three examination schools (Latin Academy, Latin School, Bryant School of Math and Science) don't have kids hanging around MBTA stations to intimidate other passengers...
...you turn on WRKO, and you just joined Howie Carr's "Wizard of Uhz" segment...
...you turn on WTKK, and you just joined Margery Eagan and Jim Braude argue over
some trifling nugget...
...you turn on WBZ, WCVB, or WHDH, and before they give you breaking news on a fire, a homicide, or gossip, they go right to the weather...
...instead of paying $2.65 a gallon for regular gas, you drive an extra two miles to the Shell the corner of Mass Ave and Columbus Ave, where it's $2.43 per gallon, or take a ride to the South Shore, where it's $2.30-$2.39 per gallon...
...Mass Ave and Stuart Street are at a crawl, and you hear about a three car accident on I-93...
...The Mayah mangles up an innocent word, and it shows up on Howie Carr's column...
...if you lived anytime between 1960 and 1995, the Combat Zone was a nasty, sleazy, seedy place where you could watch XXX rated movies and watch strippers - but was several steps up from Times Square...
...young black kids sell (scam!) overpriced and stale candy to unsuspecting people, who don't realize their "football team/basketball team" is led by a con artist...
...you try to order a "cabinet" (similar to a milkshake) in a restaurant and you're either (a) directed to Home Depot or Lowe's or (b) given directions to Newport Creamery.
...you attend a sports game and you realize $20 only gets you two hot dogs, two beers and maybe a cheap pennant that will last all of three seconds...
...if you're looking for hot chicks or hunks, you'll get a better chance at your local KFC than at the meet markets on Lansdowne Street...
...Bob Lobel, whenever a sports team loses miserably, brings out a bobble head doll covered in a paper bag, or brings out the panic button, or tells the audience, "Send the kids to bed, we're about to show the (Bruins, Celtics, Patriots, Red Sox) highlights..."
...you remember Candlepin Bowling on Saturdays with Bob Gillis, which was followed by the Pro Bowling Tour with Chris Schenckel and Nelson Burton Jr...
UPDATE: a Mattapan/Dorchester/Roxbury list...if it's a response to our list, it's an impressive one!
...a "spukie" is a sandwich, not some kind of low-level mobster...
...a "hoodsie" refers both to the ice cream cup and the young teenage girl...
...the three examination schools (Latin Academy, Latin School, Bryant School of Math and Science) don't have kids hanging around MBTA stations to intimidate other passengers...
...you turn on WRKO, and you just joined Howie Carr's "Wizard of Uhz" segment...
...you turn on WTKK, and you just joined Margery Eagan and Jim Braude argue over
some trifling nugget...
...you turn on WBZ, WCVB, or WHDH, and before they give you breaking news on a fire, a homicide, or gossip, they go right to the weather...
...instead of paying $2.65 a gallon for regular gas, you drive an extra two miles to the Shell the corner of Mass Ave and Columbus Ave, where it's $2.43 per gallon, or take a ride to the South Shore, where it's $2.30-$2.39 per gallon...
...Mass Ave and Stuart Street are at a crawl, and you hear about a three car accident on I-93...
...The Mayah mangles up an innocent word, and it shows up on Howie Carr's column...
...if you lived anytime between 1960 and 1995, the Combat Zone was a nasty, sleazy, seedy place where you could watch XXX rated movies and watch strippers - but was several steps up from Times Square...
...young black kids sell (scam!) overpriced and stale candy to unsuspecting people, who don't realize their "football team/basketball team" is led by a con artist...
...you try to order a "cabinet" (similar to a milkshake) in a restaurant and you're either (a) directed to Home Depot or Lowe's or (b) given directions to Newport Creamery.
...you attend a sports game and you realize $20 only gets you two hot dogs, two beers and maybe a cheap pennant that will last all of three seconds...
...if you're looking for hot chicks or hunks, you'll get a better chance at your local KFC than at the meet markets on Lansdowne Street...
...Bob Lobel, whenever a sports team loses miserably, brings out a bobble head doll covered in a paper bag, or brings out the panic button, or tells the audience, "Send the kids to bed, we're about to show the (Bruins, Celtics, Patriots, Red Sox) highlights..."
...you remember Candlepin Bowling on Saturdays with Bob Gillis, which was followed by the Pro Bowling Tour with Chris Schenckel and Nelson Burton Jr...
UPDATE: a Mattapan/Dorchester/Roxbury list...if it's a response to our list, it's an impressive one!
3/09/2007
You know you're in Boston when...
...you know the radio ads for Giant Auto Glass, Tony Floriamo's, Powderhouse Mortgage, Cumberland Farms, and the lottery...
...Traffic is on the 3's (not the 1's in New York, 8's in Philadelphia, or 2's in Pittsburgh)
...the Back Bay Architectural Society tries to wield its Soviet-like muscle whenever someone tries to build something of value, like handicapped access or an Apple Store.
...you see a whole bunch of people being escorted away from church, but only because they've been squatting there to prevent it from closing...
...the St. Patrick's Day parade has its pronouncement from Whacko Hurley that gays will not march in the parade, but the gays say, "Irish will not march in our parade June 10..."
...the liberal broadsheet says X, the center-right tabloid says Y, the radical left tabloid says Z, and the satire-laden tabloid W mocks all three...
...when you mention you work for the city in Denver, but live outside of the city limits, you get a glazed over look similar to when Homer Simpson says, "Mmm...(insert food product here)..." (reason: city workers must reside in the city - can't live outside the city)
...when you mention you work for the city in Denver, but live in the city, in a two bedroom apartment for $500 per month, you hear, "holy crap, we just paid $2,000 for our closet-sized apartment, and the slumlord hasn't fixed our sink in weeks!"
...you know Denis Leary, Lenny Clarke, and Steve Sweeney's punchlines by heart, especially when they play at Dick Doherty's Comedy Vault/Hut/Barnyard...
...the best restaurants in Boston are independently owned and don't involve dancing rodents (human or otherwise), white trash, gangbangers in hoodies with their legs spread wider than the Mass Ave bridge, food items that double as car lubricants, etc...
...If you're a Montreal native, you know the Boston Cream Pie is a bigger, fluffier version of a May West, but when you want that nice smoked meat sandwich, you order a corned beef and pastrami, because a lot of Broons fans know a Hab fan when they hear one...
...you see the Marylou's ads and wish the Dunkin' Donuts servers can be gorgeous, competent, and appealing like they are...and speak clear and unaccented English...
...a silent hush comes over Boston colleges in the morning at 11am...because it's time for The Price Is Right...
...another silent hush comes over houses at 7:57pm weekdays and 6:58pm Sundays for the Daily Numbers drawing...
...Traffic is on the 3's (not the 1's in New York, 8's in Philadelphia, or 2's in Pittsburgh)
...the Back Bay Architectural Society tries to wield its Soviet-like muscle whenever someone tries to build something of value, like handicapped access or an Apple Store.
...you see a whole bunch of people being escorted away from church, but only because they've been squatting there to prevent it from closing...
...the St. Patrick's Day parade has its pronouncement from Whacko Hurley that gays will not march in the parade, but the gays say, "Irish will not march in our parade June 10..."
...the liberal broadsheet says X, the center-right tabloid says Y, the radical left tabloid says Z, and the satire-laden tabloid W mocks all three...
...when you mention you work for the city in Denver, but live outside of the city limits, you get a glazed over look similar to when Homer Simpson says, "Mmm...(insert food product here)..." (reason: city workers must reside in the city - can't live outside the city)
...when you mention you work for the city in Denver, but live in the city, in a two bedroom apartment for $500 per month, you hear, "holy crap, we just paid $2,000 for our closet-sized apartment, and the slumlord hasn't fixed our sink in weeks!"
...you know Denis Leary, Lenny Clarke, and Steve Sweeney's punchlines by heart, especially when they play at Dick Doherty's Comedy Vault/Hut/Barnyard...
...the best restaurants in Boston are independently owned and don't involve dancing rodents (human or otherwise), white trash, gangbangers in hoodies with their legs spread wider than the Mass Ave bridge, food items that double as car lubricants, etc...
...If you're a Montreal native, you know the Boston Cream Pie is a bigger, fluffier version of a May West, but when you want that nice smoked meat sandwich, you order a corned beef and pastrami, because a lot of Broons fans know a Hab fan when they hear one...
...you see the Marylou's ads and wish the Dunkin' Donuts servers can be gorgeous, competent, and appealing like they are...and speak clear and unaccented English...
...a silent hush comes over Boston colleges in the morning at 11am...because it's time for The Price Is Right...
...another silent hush comes over houses at 7:57pm weekdays and 6:58pm Sundays for the Daily Numbers drawing...
3/03/2007
Stop the illegal (giggle, snort) occupation (snicker, snort) of Lichtenstein (BWAH HAH HAH HAH!)
It's a good thing the Swiss and the Lichtensteiners are on such good terms, that they called one another regarding this military gaffe:
Swiss: Mein Leibscher Fruend, Es tut uns leid... wir Ihr Land durch Unfall eindrangen...das einige unserer Soldaten dachten, daß sie noch in der Schweiz waren!
My dear friend, we're sorry for invading your country - our soldiers still thought they were in Switzerland!
Lichtensteiners: Das ist kein Problem! Selbst wenn Sie die Amerikaner waren, haben wir nichts, das hier einzudringen wertvoll ist!
That's no problem! Even if you were the Americans, we have nothing valuable here to invade!
Swiss: Das ist Recht! Und wer würde überhaupt die Schweiz eindringen? Alle für Kuckucksuhren und Toblerone?
You're right! And who would ever invade Switzerland? All for cuckoo clocks and Toblerone?
Swiss: Mein Leibscher Fruend, Es tut uns leid... wir Ihr Land durch Unfall eindrangen...das einige unserer Soldaten dachten, daß sie noch in der Schweiz waren!
My dear friend, we're sorry for invading your country - our soldiers still thought they were in Switzerland!
Lichtensteiners: Das ist kein Problem! Selbst wenn Sie die Amerikaner waren, haben wir nichts, das hier einzudringen wertvoll ist!
That's no problem! Even if you were the Americans, we have nothing valuable here to invade!
Swiss: Das ist Recht! Und wer würde überhaupt die Schweiz eindringen? Alle für Kuckucksuhren und Toblerone?
You're right! And who would ever invade Switzerland? All for cuckoo clocks and Toblerone?
3/01/2007
Shoot, pshaw, foul, shucks, chickenshacker, motherfouler, tips
Gateway Pundit (via Jules Crittenden) does a little test with George Carlin's Famous Seven Dirty Words You Can Never Say on Television™ and discovers that even after eight years, those left wing blogs are the champions of fouled-mouth free speech.
Industrial sized Lifebuoy for HuffPo!
Industrial sized Lifebuoy for HuffPo!
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