I'm always interested in good writing and good speech. In school, reading literature was my worst subject; grammar and vocabulary were my strongest. Here are seven clichés that should be struck from the tongues and the type.
1. About
About usually means "approximately," as in "It'll take about 30 minutes or so to install your Windows program." About is also used for measurements and circumference, as in "Trace a line about the two points."
About takes on a pretentious, gossipy, snobby, smug, shallow sheen when it's used to emphasize something, as in "It's all about the Benjamins."
2. As a...
"As a..." tells the reader you have absolute authority on the subject, and no one can refute you. "As a mother, I recommend..." sound like you just got your PhD in anthroplogy and you want to test it out on a few friends. If it sounds too high-falutin', don't use it. "I recommend..." will do the job nicely.
3. (We live) in a world...
Don LaFontaine, the famous voice-over actor, gets paid millions of dollars to utter this phrase. His sons and daughters have attended the colleges of their choice without having to take out student loans.
The above phrase is a phrase I like to call "wrist twisting," which means that the person who's saying it is often winding up like a top, and then casting their dainty wrist to fulfill their point. "We live in a world where..." is just verbal empty calories, and normally used by people who have very little to say. Except Don LaFontaine, of course.
4. Need
Compare the following two sentences.
"The fondue is delicious, but it needs a little more wine. "
"The fondue is delicious, but you need to concentrate on the roast beef."
In the first sentence, the object or a noun phrase follows and is matter-of-fact. In the second sentence, the infinitive "to" follows the noun, and sounds condescending (as in, "you're wasting too much time on the fondue - the roast beef is beginning to burn" or "your weak suit is your roast beef").
Needs to + infinitive also indicates frustration and one's desires and demands not being fulfilled snappily enough. To reduce the nastiness and smugness of Needs to + infinitive, use "must" for supreme urgency (you don't want the roast beef to burn to a crisp), "have/has to" for moderate urgency or direct orders (you can't get out getting that roast beef) or "should" if it's less urgent or a suggestion (the past recipes were OK, but we want one that will put your tastebuds into heaven - or at least avoid ordering pizza).
5. From...to...
In the middle of a sentence, describing a trip, this phrase is not a cliche. ("We went from London to Paris to Madrid on our senior trip." "The seniors went from homeroom to the gym to the park on their scavenger hunt.")
When from...to... begins a sentence, it's used to grab the attention of the reader - nothing more, nothing less. It dresses up a boring article, akin to those cute things in high school where a naughty word would be used, then the phrase, "now that I've got your attention..." follows. This variation of from...to... also sounds a bit snobbish, as if these places were so sacred and exclusive, no mere mortal could even step their pinky toe in there.
6. Overloaded wrist-twisters
A wrist-twister is a phrase that can be best described as "the windup before the pitch." Usually that pitch is loaded with clichés, propaganda, agitation and frustration, and a "whole buncha nothin' in there." (Listen to Valley Girl from Frank Zappa for that reference.)
7. If
This two lettered conjunction is fine, when used properly. 'If's' intention is to put forth a desire, a hypothesis, or advice ("If I had a million dollars..." "If this is true..." "If I were you...")
In talk radio or TV shows, however, 'if' is finding its way to promote things, most of the time sketchy or skeevy in nature. "If you read the book..." may make Barnes and Noble's bottom line healthier, but after buying said book, you have to take at least two showers or spend your entire weekend finding second through eighteenth opinions, then don't use 'if' for self promotion. In fact, stay away from talk radio. 99% of the time they sell garbage and snake oil anyway.
8. How
Not Tonto's old greeting to the Lone Ranger (aka Kemosabe) but an exercise in clarification. "How does that work?" "How do you know?" and "How are you" are perfectly reasonable uses for 'How.' When the husband who does wrong by the wife gets "How could you?" before a few days of the silent treatment, it's a good example of 'how.'
A bad example and putting 'how' into the tawdry red-light district of clichés is the phrase "How can..." Actually, "how can...when..." begins guilt-trips and other psychological head games.
Politicians, especially incumbents, nanny-staters, and full-bore control freaks, will use "how can..." for naked self-promotion. "How can Senator X put forth a bill for animal rights when there's a lot of children going hungry every night?" "How can Senator Y block a bill for animal rights when there's a lot of animals used for testing?" (For the record, both bills got killed and Senators X and Y got voted out.)
6/21/2008
Acting like the very children you wish to teach
The correct, diplomatic way of asking two kids to stop discussing hunting:
"Guys, I think that's an interesting story, but a little bit too graphic for other kids. You can still discuss it, but please talk quietly, or perhaps talk about it later."
The incorrect, childish, selfish, immature way of asking two kids to stop discussing hunting:
"LALALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW IF YOU KILLED BAMBI OR NOT! I HIKED, I STRIPPED NAKED AND WORSHIPPED GAIA, I'M BETTER THAN YOU, LALALALA!"
And yes, it was in theNew Upper West Side Socialist Nation of Vermont, where hunting is still acceptable, except you can't run over deer or bears with your Prius.
Update: Newsbusters also follows the story with one really good quote from Okie:
"Guys, I think that's an interesting story, but a little bit too graphic for other kids. You can still discuss it, but please talk quietly, or perhaps talk about it later."
The incorrect, childish, selfish, immature way of asking two kids to stop discussing hunting:
"LALALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW IF YOU KILLED BAMBI OR NOT! I HIKED, I STRIPPED NAKED AND WORSHIPPED GAIA, I'M BETTER THAN YOU, LALALALA!"
And yes, it was in the
Update: Newsbusters also follows the story with one really good quote from Okie:
And who's the 10 year old here?
The teacher covering up her ears and saying "la la la la la la".
The woman is an idiot. I hope she gets fired for stupidity. (emphasis mine)
5/31/2008
From Cleary Square to Kennedy Plaza, all in a day
I was on vacation this week and in contrast to the Route 240 trip was my trip to Providence via the Commuter Rail on Wednesday.
Every year since around 1998 or so, I make a point to go to Providence or Newport because I like Rhode Island. Ocean Staters aren't the milquetoasts and passive-aggressive fools that Bay Staters are - they have the balls to tell people they'll be glad to serve them once they complete their phone conversations - something Bay Staters fear will win them a trip to our finest emergency rooms.
If you do go, my suggestion is NOT to go through South Station OR to take the Peter Pan/Bonanza bus. The MBTA/MBCR WILL charge you $15.50 for a round trip - $7.75 each way. The Bonanza bus, even though it costs $15.95 round trip and is much quicker, has some pretty beasty traffic from Providence to Boston.
Rather, take the Orange Line to Forest Hills, and then the Route 32 bus to Cleary Square. The $9 interzone fare I paid on a round trip ticket from Hyde Park to Providence is more than worth it. I boarded the 12:28 train and got to Providence around 1:05; returning on the 5:10 train, I got back to Hyde Park around 6:04.
Rhode Islanders have their own idiosyncracies, including their own brand of lemonade ice, coffee syrup, "New York System" hot dogs, corruption (politicians and the like) and the feeling you're in the "sixth" borough of New York. But therein lies the difference; Bay Staters feel so entitled to their bounties in education and technology, you almost feel that arrogance and smug "ha ha, look what I can do and you can't!" once you step into the tourist sections of Boston. Ocean Staters will tell you what things are, what you can do with it if you don't like it, and take little guff from strangers.
Rhode Island's singleton Ivy League school, Brown University, isn't swarming with hipster doofuses, nutty conspiracy theorists, bums, and other poseurs. I walked up and down Thayer Street - Providence's equivalent of Harvard Square - without being accosted, jostled, harangued, or being passed by as if I weren't there. You felt as if you were part of the neighborhood, not as someone you though was going too freakin' slow and if you had the power, you'd lift the damn sidewalk.
If you want to ride a public transit system better than the MBTA, RIPTA is a good example on how Rhode Island legislators see the passengers who don't or can't drive - they treat them like passengers and not like revenue sources. On the two trolley rides and bus ride I took, the buses were not crowded, and the passengers got along well. Inside Kennedy Plaza, however, there were plenty of people waiting, but it was far more orderly and organized. Maybe Dan Graubauskas could take a trip down to Providence and take notes!
The kids themselves that mill around Kennedy Plaza from the various middle and high schools in Providence are the same as you would find in Boston. One huge difference: The Providence Police Department makes their presence duly known - patrol cars, horseback, bikes, foot patrols, etc. Back in 2003, I was down the Kennedy Plaza and a group of kids began fighting. As fast as you can say "Police Squad" at least 80 cops flew down there and broke up the fight. I was amazed at the quick response and the ability to get the situation under control from the Providence cops.
Finally, one thing I like about Rhode Island that it's close enough to Massachusetts without being Massachusetts. I looked forward to all the times I went to Club Baby Head over near Richmond Street with Rob and Bucky Avery, Jim Brackett, and other people from UMass Dartmouth. I was a college student back then, and getting from Dartmouth to Providence was near impossible without a car. Now, it's only a 36 mile/40 minute trip from Hyde Park. Progress!
Every year since around 1998 or so, I make a point to go to Providence or Newport because I like Rhode Island. Ocean Staters aren't the milquetoasts and passive-aggressive fools that Bay Staters are - they have the balls to tell people they'll be glad to serve them once they complete their phone conversations - something Bay Staters fear will win them a trip to our finest emergency rooms.
If you do go, my suggestion is NOT to go through South Station OR to take the Peter Pan/Bonanza bus. The MBTA/MBCR WILL charge you $15.50 for a round trip - $7.75 each way. The Bonanza bus, even though it costs $15.95 round trip and is much quicker, has some pretty beasty traffic from Providence to Boston.
Rather, take the Orange Line to Forest Hills, and then the Route 32 bus to Cleary Square. The $9 interzone fare I paid on a round trip ticket from Hyde Park to Providence is more than worth it. I boarded the 12:28 train and got to Providence around 1:05; returning on the 5:10 train, I got back to Hyde Park around 6:04.
Rhode Islanders have their own idiosyncracies, including their own brand of lemonade ice, coffee syrup, "New York System" hot dogs, corruption (politicians and the like) and the feeling you're in the "sixth" borough of New York. But therein lies the difference; Bay Staters feel so entitled to their bounties in education and technology, you almost feel that arrogance and smug "ha ha, look what I can do and you can't!" once you step into the tourist sections of Boston. Ocean Staters will tell you what things are, what you can do with it if you don't like it, and take little guff from strangers.
Rhode Island's singleton Ivy League school, Brown University, isn't swarming with hipster doofuses, nutty conspiracy theorists, bums, and other poseurs. I walked up and down Thayer Street - Providence's equivalent of Harvard Square - without being accosted, jostled, harangued, or being passed by as if I weren't there. You felt as if you were part of the neighborhood, not as someone you though was going too freakin' slow and if you had the power, you'd lift the damn sidewalk.
If you want to ride a public transit system better than the MBTA, RIPTA is a good example on how Rhode Island legislators see the passengers who don't or can't drive - they treat them like passengers and not like revenue sources. On the two trolley rides and bus ride I took, the buses were not crowded, and the passengers got along well. Inside Kennedy Plaza, however, there were plenty of people waiting, but it was far more orderly and organized. Maybe Dan Graubauskas could take a trip down to Providence and take notes!
The kids themselves that mill around Kennedy Plaza from the various middle and high schools in Providence are the same as you would find in Boston. One huge difference: The Providence Police Department makes their presence duly known - patrol cars, horseback, bikes, foot patrols, etc. Back in 2003, I was down the Kennedy Plaza and a group of kids began fighting. As fast as you can say "Police Squad" at least 80 cops flew down there and broke up the fight. I was amazed at the quick response and the ability to get the situation under control from the Providence cops.
Finally, one thing I like about Rhode Island that it's close enough to Massachusetts without being Massachusetts. I looked forward to all the times I went to Club Baby Head over near Richmond Street with Rob and Bucky Avery, Jim Brackett, and other people from UMass Dartmouth. I was a college student back then, and getting from Dartmouth to Providence was near impossible without a car. Now, it's only a 36 mile/40 minute trip from Hyde Park. Progress!
5/20/2008
The deadly assassin named cancer
Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy was diagnosed with a malignant glioma in his front parietal lobe.
My father, after being diagnosed with lung cancer in September 2004, was further diagnosed with gliomas similar to Sen. Kennedy's in May of 2005. We thought he had food poisoning, because he vomited a lot, but under further diagnosis, the doctors at the (fantastic) Dana Farber Cancer Institute discovered the gliomas. My father, after undergoing six regimens of chemotherapy, told us it was a very tiny cell and it was nothing to worry about - the radiation he would be getting would take care of it.
I can tell you first hand that malignant gliomas, even though they may look small and harmless, are nothing to trifle with. Radiation, plus the gliomas, effectively scrambled my father's brains, and caused other complications such as hematomas, headaches, and loss of physical coordination. By September 2005, he was wheelchair bound, but still somewhat lucid, and actually looked like he was getting better. However, once the cancer spread to his spine, we knew it would be a matter of time. We planned his funeral in October, thinking he'd survive until at least after Christmas. He died two days before Thanksgiving, after celebrating his 35th wedding anniversary, at the age of 63.
The time span between my father's diagnosis and death was five months.
Seizures are also a potential calling card for gliomas. My father's were not the grand mal seizures, but what they call "partial focal" seizures, which I can best describe as daydreaming with difficulty rousing. Sen. Kennedy could have also had the traditional grand-mal, which are also known as "tonic-clonic."
JFK and RFK found their lives snuffed out through a killer's bullet. Cancer is no less an killer, but it does so at its own leisure, biding its time to wreak havoc through the body. Time will tell whether Sen. Kennedy will beat this medical assassin. Miracles may happen, but don't count on them.
My father, after being diagnosed with lung cancer in September 2004, was further diagnosed with gliomas similar to Sen. Kennedy's in May of 2005. We thought he had food poisoning, because he vomited a lot, but under further diagnosis, the doctors at the (fantastic) Dana Farber Cancer Institute discovered the gliomas. My father, after undergoing six regimens of chemotherapy, told us it was a very tiny cell and it was nothing to worry about - the radiation he would be getting would take care of it.
I can tell you first hand that malignant gliomas, even though they may look small and harmless, are nothing to trifle with. Radiation, plus the gliomas, effectively scrambled my father's brains, and caused other complications such as hematomas, headaches, and loss of physical coordination. By September 2005, he was wheelchair bound, but still somewhat lucid, and actually looked like he was getting better. However, once the cancer spread to his spine, we knew it would be a matter of time. We planned his funeral in October, thinking he'd survive until at least after Christmas. He died two days before Thanksgiving, after celebrating his 35th wedding anniversary, at the age of 63.
The time span between my father's diagnosis and death was five months.
Seizures are also a potential calling card for gliomas. My father's were not the grand mal seizures, but what they call "partial focal" seizures, which I can best describe as daydreaming with difficulty rousing. Sen. Kennedy could have also had the traditional grand-mal, which are also known as "tonic-clonic."
JFK and RFK found their lives snuffed out through a killer's bullet. Cancer is no less an killer, but it does so at its own leisure, biding its time to wreak havoc through the body. Time will tell whether Sen. Kennedy will beat this medical assassin. Miracles may happen, but don't count on them.
5/09/2008
The land of extremely overreactive DON'TS
Entry #1: Don't give delicious 16 cent donut hole treats to babies, or else you'll be fired for "theft." Right, for a 16 cent Timbit (or Munchkins) you get to explain to your unemployment office why your generosity and your fledgling career was struck down by an overzealous manager, who likely has an exact count of every single Timbit in the inventory, including the size and the time the frosting was put on. Good news: she was rehired, but likely Tim Horton's gave the manager a dress-down, which likely went like this: "She gave the baby a freakin' Timbit! We can cover that measly 16 cents in the time it takes for you to go to the john!"
Entry #2: Don't read "Notre Dame vs. the Klan: How the Fighting Irish Defeated the Ku Klux Klan" by Todd Tucker, in which Notre Dame students beat the living snot out of the KKK, when in the presence of "affirmative action" officers with a hair-trigger sensitivity. This leads me to wonder: would it have been OK to read adult magazines in public instead of a book that emphasizes teamwork against naked racial hatred? Were I a professor, not only would I assign the book, I'd make sure these college kids read it during summer vacation.
Note to the "Affirmative Action" meddling dingbat: is it any wonder why people roll their eyes and put "diversity" in quotation marks? Many other "affirmative action" officers would recommend several other books along that line, and they wouldn't carry their title with such aggressive seriousness. And why did it take the ACLU, FIRE and several news agencies to make the university drop this? Answer: no one wants their college to be labeled a cauldron for academic Stalinism.
Entry #2: Don't read "Notre Dame vs. the Klan: How the Fighting Irish Defeated the Ku Klux Klan" by Todd Tucker, in which Notre Dame students beat the living snot out of the KKK, when in the presence of "affirmative action" officers with a hair-trigger sensitivity. This leads me to wonder: would it have been OK to read adult magazines in public instead of a book that emphasizes teamwork against naked racial hatred? Were I a professor, not only would I assign the book, I'd make sure these college kids read it during summer vacation.
Note to the "Affirmative Action" meddling dingbat: is it any wonder why people roll their eyes and put "diversity" in quotation marks? Many other "affirmative action" officers would recommend several other books along that line, and they wouldn't carry their title with such aggressive seriousness. And why did it take the ACLU, FIRE and several news agencies to make the university drop this? Answer: no one wants their college to be labeled a cauldron for academic Stalinism.
5/07/2008
If you're planning on making comments, please read below...
I set the comments so I have a chance to review them before I post them. I reject posts out of hand when they seem spam-like, don't make sense, attack other posters (rarely me), engage in long "is too! is not!" arguments, or seem really "fishy". "Anonymous" posters get double-secret probation because I'm not sure if they're legit or they're trying to jam up the comments board with verbal bovine effluvia - as in one post I had rejected flat out because they decided to key-word and link-farm their entry to the hilt.
It also means I have to exercise some benevolent censorship; one person's well reasoned comment is fine; a five-page manifesto on why Alfred E Neuman should be elevated to King of America is not. Those of you who do follow the rules are not affected - at least you have the common sense not to test your BS skills on the comments board
If it gets out of hand, COMMENTS WILL BE DISABLED.
It also means I have to exercise some benevolent censorship; one person's well reasoned comment is fine; a five-page manifesto on why Alfred E Neuman should be elevated to King of America is not. Those of you who do follow the rules are not affected - at least you have the common sense not to test your BS skills on the comments board
If it gets out of hand, COMMENTS WILL BE DISABLED.
4/28/2008
An analogy...
Malcolm X : The Honorable Elijah Mohammed : : Barack Obama : Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
Somehow I thought of this after remembering the excellent (if long) Malcolm X by Spike Lee. At least somewhere along the line, Obama may have an epiphany.
Somehow I thought of this after remembering the excellent (if long) Malcolm X by Spike Lee. At least somewhere along the line, Obama may have an epiphany.
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