21st century clichés and how to get rid of them

I'm always interested in good writing and good speech. In school, reading literature was my worst subject; grammar and vocabulary were my strongest. Here are seven clichés that should be struck from the tongues and the type.

1. About

About usually means "approximately," as in "It'll take about 30 minutes or so to install your Windows program." About is also used for measurements and circumference, as in "Trace a line about the two points."

About takes on a pretentious, gossipy, snobby, smug, shallow sheen when it's used to emphasize something, as in "It's all about the Benjamins."

2. As a...

"As a..." tells the reader you have absolute authority on the subject, and no one can refute you. "As a mother, I recommend..." sound like you just got your PhD in anthroplogy and you want to test it out on a few friends. If it sounds too high-falutin', don't use it. "I recommend..." will do the job nicely.

3. (We live) in a world...

Don LaFontaine, the famous voice-over actor, gets paid millions of dollars to utter this phrase. His sons and daughters have attended the colleges of their choice without having to take out student loans.

The above phrase is a phrase I like to call "wrist twisting," which means that the person who's saying it is often winding up like a top, and then casting their dainty wrist to fulfill their point. "We live in a world where..." is just verbal empty calories, and normally used by people who have very little to say. Except Don LaFontaine, of course.

4. Need

Compare the following two sentences.

"The fondue is delicious, but it needs a little more wine. "
"The fondue is delicious, but you need to concentrate on the roast beef."

In the first sentence, the object or a noun phrase follows and is matter-of-fact. In the second sentence, the infinitive "to" follows the noun, and sounds condescending (as in, "you're wasting too much time on the fondue - the roast beef is beginning to burn" or "your weak suit is your roast beef").

Needs to + infinitive also indicates frustration and one's desires and demands not being fulfilled snappily enough. To reduce the nastiness and smugness of Needs to + infinitive, use "must" for supreme urgency (you don't want the roast beef to burn to a crisp), "have/has to" for moderate urgency or direct orders (you can't get out getting that roast beef) or "should" if it's less urgent or a suggestion (the past recipes were OK, but we want one that will put your tastebuds into heaven - or at least avoid ordering pizza).

5. From...to...

In the middle of a sentence, describing a trip, this phrase is not a cliche. ("We went from London to Paris to Madrid on our senior trip." "The seniors went from homeroom to the gym to the park on their scavenger hunt.")

When from...to... begins a sentence, it's used to grab the attention of the reader - nothing more, nothing less. It dresses up a boring article, akin to those cute things in high school where a naughty word would be used, then the phrase, "now that I've got your attention..." follows. This variation of from...to... also sounds a bit snobbish, as if these places were so sacred and exclusive, no mere mortal could even step their pinky toe in there.

6. Overloaded wrist-twisters

A wrist-twister is a phrase that can be best described as "the windup before the pitch." Usually that pitch is loaded with clichés, propaganda, agitation and frustration, and a "whole buncha nothin' in there." (Listen to Valley Girl from Frank Zappa for that reference.)

7. If

This two lettered conjunction is fine, when used properly. 'If's' intention is to put forth a desire, a hypothesis, or advice ("If I had a million dollars..." "If this is true..." "If I were you...")

In talk radio or TV shows, however, 'if' is finding its way to promote things, most of the time sketchy or skeevy in nature. "If you read the book..." may make Barnes and Noble's bottom line healthier, but after buying said book, you have to take at least two showers or spend your entire weekend finding second through eighteenth opinions, then don't use 'if' for self promotion. In fact, stay away from talk radio. 99% of the time they sell garbage and snake oil anyway.

8. How

Not Tonto's old greeting to the Lone Ranger (aka Kemosabe) but an exercise in clarification. "How does that work?" "How do you know?" and "How are you" are perfectly reasonable uses for 'How.' When the husband who does wrong by the wife gets "How could you?" before a few days of the silent treatment, it's a good example of 'how.'

A bad example and putting 'how' into the tawdry red-light district of clichés is the phrase "How can..." Actually, "how can...when..." begins guilt-trips and other psychological head games.

Politicians, especially incumbents, nanny-staters, and full-bore control freaks, will use "how can..." for naked self-promotion. "How can Senator X put forth a bill for animal rights when there's a lot of children going hungry every night?" "How can Senator Y block a bill for animal rights when there's a lot of animals used for testing?" (For the record, both bills got killed and Senators X and Y got voted out.)