Making crab cakes out of cancer

All I ask is that you watch the video of Randy Pausch, a computer science professor from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, and once you're done, ask yourself how a man with terminal pancreatic cancer can still have the vim and vigor of a freshly-minted assistant professor. Never mind your political bent - see if you would face the end of your life either severely depressed or looking forward to it as if it were a long-term vacation.

Courtesy of Power Line.

Where has the middle class gone in Boston?

Leave it to the Globe Magazine to substitute to give its view of middle class flight. Our header is what the Globe should have put to make the article more accurate.

Boston has made a paradigm shift within the past two decades. What hasn't changed is prejudice and mistrust between the classes and races. One neighborhood fears declining property values (sketchy people, groups of kids acting up); another neighborhood fears gentrification (big luxury condos, luxury stores and restaurants) and commercialization (big box stores). In the twain are people who have lived in their neighborhoods for decades, paying higher property taxes - sometimes overriden over the 2-1/2% limit - for what is purported for education and health care, but ends up elsewhere, like the general fund or for pork projects.

The middle class in Boston is existent - but it is not as obvious as it once was. In the 1960s, Blue Hill Avenue used to be a enclave for the Boston Jewry. By 1970, it became mostly Afro-American. You have to travel to the far-flung borders of Boston to see a thriving middle class. Hyde Park, West Roxbury, Roslindale, and other parts of the city are good examples where the middle class has not been shoved out and force to flee to a better middle class climate.

What really ruins the dream of the middle class living in the Athens of America is what has oiled the cogs of Boston for centuries - corruption in politics, sky-high housing prices, elitism, a transit system that constantly begs for more money from riders and spends them on vanity projects, and a smug attitude of "we are the best," even contrary to the fact (viz. The Big Dig) . People who have never been to this city or have toured the city only see the surface of what Boston really is, and if the tourist trolley companies had an all-Boston tour, it would certainly take the Athens of America moniker and turn it into the Most Dysfunctional City of America.

The middle class notices this with a gimlet eye for BS. They are taking a look around in their areas, don't like what they see, and plan to leave the area, and quite frankly, I don't blame them.

Update: Here's a different take. There's also the attitude in the suburbs that "if we were like Boston, we'd be successful too, bringing in all that revenue and taxes so we can have better things." Building multi-million dollar condos in Newton will come after they shove a camel through the eye of a needle.

Get your control freak hands off my "everything!"

We read this article regarding an overarching desire for change (through the good people at lucianne.com) and discovered a few things that shocked us.

1. People secretly adore criminals because they're the ultimate rebels, until said criminals turn around, point a gun at your head, demand all your money, shoot you dead, and your friends are agog at the ruthless efficiency of their criminal nature!

2. "Everything must be different!" is a battle cry for "We're so overwhelmed with guilt we can't stand it! Let our control freak flag fly, establish totalitarianism for everyone, make people exceedingly poor - except us, where we'll be off in our own island, using the same slave classes to bring us drinks and food chop-chop while we bang out press releases and enjoy the fruits of their labors!"

3. "Now normal folks are speaking out in their own media, and it just freaks out our socialist Ruling Class." That's because the socialist Ruling Class are a bunch of control addicts who deserve every bit of venom cast towards their simpering maws, including extended middle fingers, blogs that blast every single conspiracy theory to dust, and people who "just don't get" the spoiled elite and find out answers for themselves!

Notre T-shirt - 'Un piège de touristes… mais notre piège de touristes!' (Our T-shirt: A tourist trap - but our tourist trap!)

We went to Maine yesterday on the Downeaster and when we passed by Old Orchard Beach in the early evening, roughly 7:15pm or so, we saw crowds upon crowds of people lining the streets.

So when we took a glance at this story regarding OOB and French-Canadian invasion, we know exactly why they come down from Montreal and Quebec City.

1. The exchange rate about four years ago was 65 cents US to the Canadian dollar. Now, it's 95 cents US to the Canadian dollar. Also, the only taxes Quebeckers have to worry about is the Maine state sales tax of 5% for general sales tax and 7% for food and lodging.

2. Gasoline is cheap, cheap, cheap, even after they cross the border into Vermont. At the border, gas is about $2.88-$2.95 a gallon, or $0.76-$0.78 per liter - a full $0.25 per liter cheaper than what they sell in Canada. The further south you go, the better the prices are; in OOB, $2.79 ($0.73 per liter) is a huge bargain, compared to the $1.01 per liter ($3.81 per gallon) they pay in Canada.

3. Maine is not like the "big cities" of Boston and New York. It is truly a vacation land where a Quebecker can relax and indulge in the big waves in the sea and buy tacky souvenirs without the veneer of unsubstantiated stereotypes, like robbers and con artists lurking in every corner, and gangs of toughs intimidating poor souls and upping the murder count. Not every part of Maine is perfect and full of "Ayuh" salties; there are places where everything's not hunky-dory; the more unsavory of characters (bums, drug addicts) and the social fringe have filled the places where bustling businesses once were. More about that later.

4. Unlike other tourist spots in Canada, in which a leisurely drive from parts of Quebec may take over 10 hours, OOB and New England is easily accessible. Vermont and Quebec are an hour's drive away; OOB is 5-3/4 hours away; Boston is roughly 6-1/2 to 7 hours; New York City (via I-87) about 5-6; and Cape Cod is about 8-9 hours away.

Shut your damn cellphone off or else you get NOTHING

That would be the Boston version of this Bob Slate request.

Here are some variants of that sign for various neighborhoods...

Hyde Park: Please don't talk on your cellphone. (Hyde Park is known to be very simple and straightforward.)

West Roxbury: Like, your cellphone conversation, like, bothers me. Take it outside so, like, I don't have to hear it. (West Roxbury has had that "Valley Girl" kind of patina. Roslindale would omit the 'likes.')

South End/Beacon Hill: Hey, I know your phone conversation is really interesting, but how about fishing out your platinum American Express so we can complete your purchase and extend to you our wonderful customer service?

Dorchester/Roxbury: Hey, man...dig, I have one of those cellphones that bleep and chirp and I gotta tell you, they're convenient. But I gotta tell you - stop chirping now, 'cause I get it mixed up with my alarm system.

Charlestown/North End: Yo, you with the %&#$@# idiot device glued to your skull! You're holding up the $%#&@ line! You got FIVE seconds to hang up that phone or else you're gonna make medical history when MGH takes it out of your intestines!

East Boston: Hey, man...nice phone! Who you talkin' to, pal? Listen, my grandmother's just been learning English (she's from the old country, know what I'm sayin'?) and last week she asked me something about what you're talking about now...she thinks it's funny, but you know, Granny's forgets sometimes that certain combinations of words ain't good, and my mother, she's gotten quite embarrassed. You know where Cleveland is, right? You know what a steamer is, right? You put them together...that what my grandmother said in front of Monsignor Delgato, eh? So to put me in good spirits with my mother again, I gotta ask you to put the cell phone away.

How to fund your 401(k) safely for retirement, part 2

If you read yesterday's entry on 401(k) funding, here's some more advice.

1. Prospectuses are not written for the public audiences. Reading a prospectus without the language and understanding of what's involved is the same as going into a dark room without a flashlight. Even the items intended for the general public tend to read like a thick book of gibberish. If you're not sure of how your funds will be invested, it doesn't hurt to ask a financial adviser or your 401(k) administrator. Don't let them talk you into adding more money than you're willing to invest.

2. Be aware of your tax brackets. This is true at all stages: first job, current job, and retirement. If you're in the 15% tax bracket, contributing to a 401(k) plan pre-tax will certainly reduce your taxable income - the nicest thing about contributing to a plan like this, and these contributions can be put onto your tax form, along with your company's matching contributions. When you retire and begin to take the money out, however, your tax bracket will change depending on the funds and fees. Taxes must be taken out on any distributions due to you, which may raise you to perhaps the 25%-35% bracket.

3. Like to go solo? IRAs may fit the bill. Individual retirement accounts work just the same as 401(k) accounts, but you don't get a company match, and the most you can contribute to a IRA is $4,000 per year. On the other hand, some IRAs do not carry a 10% IRS penalty for withdrawals, but it's the "once it's gone, you can't replace it" variety, meaning you have to rebuild it from scratch. You can also supplement your 401(k) with an IRA, and vice versa.

4. Contribute 0% to your 401(k)? You're not alone. Not funding your 401(k) is considered a sin in the financial world, but a forgivable sin depending on your circumstances. If you're a college graduate paying $1000+ a month in student loans, a first-time homebuyer paying $1500+ per month in mortgages, or someone who has a mountain of credit card bills, those siren calls of "your leaving money on the table!" will force some to overcompensate their contributions, and bring them into worse financial shape than they were before. Which is worse - not contributing to your 401(k) plan, or having your wages garnished for student loan default, or your home foreclosed, because you neglected to plan ahead of time? Relax. Even a 2% contribution may be a head start and enough to start a nest egg, and your employer will do it for you thanks to a new law. Sometimes that money on the table is best taken a sawbuck at a time - but when that mortgage is paid off or the student loan is finished, THEN start putting more and more money into your account.

How to fund your 401(k) safely for your retirement

Consumerist has three common mistakes...but neglect a few things we've noticed when we look in our statement.

1. A 401(k) account is NOT a substitute for financial planning. Your other obligations - rent, bills, debt, funding emergency accounts - come first. Then, any discretionary income you have left over you can put into your retirement fund.

2. 401(k) funds have fees - which is why 401(k) administrators encourage you to put money into the retirement account. Even if you do nothing, your 401(k) administrator can slice anywhere from 0.5% to 2% of your account in various fees. 2% may not seem like much, but if you manage to save $1 million for your retirement account, $20,000 gets sliced off for such mundane things as reports, research, pressing the RETURN button, etc. All that company match goodness...down the toilet.

3. Contribute only what you can afford. You can save up to the $15,500 limit in your 401(k), but most people save around 6% to receive the optimum company match. After the $15,500 is met, the company match ends - you can still contribute but you won't get any further company match from your employer. Don't be the idiot who saves 30% of their salary in their 401(k) and end up being short on your rent, bills, etc.

4. Remember the ages of 59.5 and 70.5. Those are the ages when you can withdraw funds. Younger than 59.5 - 10% IRS penalty if loan not paid back in 5 years. Older than 70.5 - 50% on difference of minimum distribution if not selected. In between - no penalties, but may select to take all or minimum.

5. If you don't know how to invest, don't contribute to your 401(k) until you have a clear idea what your goals are, what risk you're willing to take, and how much you need. Don't fund your account just because Suze Orman and Jim Kramer tell you to; all that extra money goes to fees and maintenance. Unless you know where you're going, and have everything mapped out, the money "on the table" from your employer might as well be set ablaze if your investment decisions and contributions sink like a rock.

6. Matched contributions from your employer DOES NOT EQUAL "free money." Another thing that the financial gurus proclaim is the biggest thing about 401(k) accounts is that if you don't contribute, it's leaving money on the table. Hogwash. Matched contributions are not free - they are an appreciation of your service from your employer, sometimes in lieu of other compensation (e.g. an employer may give you a profit sharing bonus in your account rather than a bonus check, scalped in half by taxes). If your work ethic is bad, you're a slacker on the job and only exist for a paycheck, you're stealing that 401(k) match that a harder-working employee could use to supplement their accounts. That "free" money can also be eaten up by fees and penalties if you're not careful. A better way of considering a company match is as an encouragement - not a reward.

Discussion to be continued...