Shut your damn cellphone off or else you get NOTHING

That would be the Boston version of this Bob Slate request.

Here are some variants of that sign for various neighborhoods...

Hyde Park: Please don't talk on your cellphone. (Hyde Park is known to be very simple and straightforward.)

West Roxbury: Like, your cellphone conversation, like, bothers me. Take it outside so, like, I don't have to hear it. (West Roxbury has had that "Valley Girl" kind of patina. Roslindale would omit the 'likes.')

South End/Beacon Hill: Hey, I know your phone conversation is really interesting, but how about fishing out your platinum American Express so we can complete your purchase and extend to you our wonderful customer service?

Dorchester/Roxbury: Hey, man...dig, I have one of those cellphones that bleep and chirp and I gotta tell you, they're convenient. But I gotta tell you - stop chirping now, 'cause I get it mixed up with my alarm system.

Charlestown/North End: Yo, you with the %&#$@# idiot device glued to your skull! You're holding up the $%#&@ line! You got FIVE seconds to hang up that phone or else you're gonna make medical history when MGH takes it out of your intestines!

East Boston: Hey, man...nice phone! Who you talkin' to, pal? Listen, my grandmother's just been learning English (she's from the old country, know what I'm sayin'?) and last week she asked me something about what you're talking about now...she thinks it's funny, but you know, Granny's forgets sometimes that certain combinations of words ain't good, and my mother, she's gotten quite embarrassed. You know where Cleveland is, right? You know what a steamer is, right? You put them together...that what my grandmother said in front of Monsignor Delgato, eh? So to put me in good spirits with my mother again, I gotta ask you to put the cell phone away.