5/13/2007

When your field trip involves flak jackets and a drill sergeant, don't sign the paper

After the Virginia Tech shootings, principals and teachers should at least discuss what to do if a gunman enters a school.

Reenactments involving Navy SEALs and Special Forces Units? Definitely not for elementary schools, or those "alternative" high schools for people who have intimate knowledge of high-powered weapons.

5/07/2007

The Two Three Sides of The Three Little Pigs...

One involves a wolf huffing and puffing and destroying ("blowing down") two of the three pigs' houses. Simple enough, and defying the test of time. The Brothers Grimm, in the German translation, have a more graphic version of the story, with the wolf meeting his end in a pot of boiling water.

The other may require record-breaking timeouts and a farewell to Library Lady for a spell if your four or five year old retells a racier version of The Three Little Pigs - complete with sounds and other graphic terms extremely not suitable for kids - that would make Howard Stern blush.

In Vermont and Brookline, however, the parents themselves would probably retell the story at home, making the wolf a martyr overlorded by the bourgeoisie pigs, and became a hero to oppressed predators by advocating armed revolution and burning the pigs alive. The brick house would be converted a palace for the wolf and his faithful cadre, and the wolf would quickly implement agrarian reform so that any pigs living would have to turn over their crops to the state, who would then distribute them between the party leaders and let the survivors starve of hunger. Then, a big bad chimp with a Texas accent would come in and tell the people that the wolf had WMD; his troops would surround the wolf's palace, and the people, sick and tired of the wolf's dictatorship (and the presses puff pieces on the wolf), would overthrow the wolf and destroy the printing presses of his fans. The wolf would be put into exile until he died of media neglect.

5/05/2007

che: the warmongering, imperialist guerrilla with an appetite for murder

Reality check for those of you who like those che shirts so much: che was just as much a warmongering, imperialist guerrilla as those he laid blame on, i.e. The United States.

che guevara still remains among as the ultissimo rebel of the downtrodden, the disenfranchised, etc. che came from a rich Argentinian family, and became an insecure man and a coward who exploited the Cuban peasants for his own gain, and once they were under his spell, he systematically and brutally killed them on orders from fidel castro. And the damndest thing is, people still believe he's a hero, and are willing to plaster his mug on protest signs. Gee, do heroes advocate violent armed struggle these days? How about eliminating the writ of habeas corpus, and advocating that judicial law is an "archaic bourgeois detail?" The most frightening thing is that there are some people deep in the wealthiest circles of society who want to see the same thing happen in America - and plenty of useful idiots, such as celebrities, politicians, blogs, etc. would love to play judge, jury and executioner.

When che was captured by Bolivian forces, his bravado and hubris failed him as he whined, "Don't Shoot! I'm che! I'm worth more to you alive than dead!" Unfortunately for him, their policy was "Shoot, shovel, and shut-up."

UPDATE: That wily Aussie, Jules Crittenden, discovers our "Che With the Machine" article and shares it with his weblog. If you're a Jules Crittenden reader (or, in Alphie's case, a frequent critic), welcome!

5/03/2007

Che with the Machine

When you get right down to it, there are several schools of thought on George W. Bush ("Dubya"):

1. Those who adore Dubya, and think those who hate him are anti-American traitors and communists who should be tried for treason and imprisoned for life.

2. Those who love Dubya, because he's a man who believes in his principles and sticks to them, and unlike those communist heathens who run the House and the Senate, he and Laura believe in America.

3. Those who like Dubya, even though we disagree sometimes with what he says or does. It seems he pays too much attention to one thing and not enough to another - just like his Dad.

4. Those who neither like nor hate Dubya, but realize that there have been better and/or worse presidents. C'mon, would you really want another Herbert Hoover, Jimmy Carter, or Richard Nixon - or would you prefer to clone JFK, Reagan or Clinton?

5. Those who don't like Dubya, but we would rather see other Republicans as President, like John McCain, Rudy Guiliani, and if we're really desperate, Pat Buchanan.

6. Those who don't like Dubya, but chose the lesser evil because the Dem candidates were duds. Dean was/is a loudmouth loose cannon, Gore and Kerry were/are boring, and (insert favorite deity or belief here) only knows what would happen under a Kucinich presidency.

7. Those who don't like Dubya, and don't like Republicans, but are moderate "blue dog" Democrats who hate the moonbat left wing who bought off the Democrats like a cheap prostitute - Joe Lieberman and Zell Miller, and maybe Jim Webb, former SecNav.

8. Those who hate Dubya, because they still hold the belief that he "stole the election" from Al Gore. Al Gore stopped the recount of the votes in Florida, but that would void their case for all those anti-Bush books and stickers. Once in awhile, they get this strange idea he's actually being controlled by the evil Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. On the other hand, they also think the moonbat left wing is too crazy for them, and that few non-binding resolutions and strong speeches will be fine - no need for him to be boiled in oil, put in stocks, and hung like a piece of beef jerky.

9. Those who loathe Dubya, because he's trying to kill their plans for a violent revolution to implement a neo-Soviet America - where the poor remain in poverty, the minorities will kowtow to the rich white bosses, and anyone who does not worship their socialist dogma to the very letter will be forcibly indoctrinated, outcast, or hurt. If you already believe in these tenets (or can fake them really, really well), they'll leave you alone, but prepare for pop quizzes.

10. Those who have absolute, all-consuming and total hatred for Dubya, and think those who love him are rich redneck Christian theocrats who should be tried, sentenced, and killed. They want total and absolute power, and they will stop and nothing until they get it. Their only focus is to put in a fidel-castro/hugo chavez like bully who will put those non-believers in hard labor camps until they either submit or die.

che guevara, the SOB who laughed when a reporter asked if Cuba would ever have free elections, would be proud to see his rabid fans recreate parts of 9 and 10. (Or at least have those them sell in the key of B flat minor for 99 cents at the iTunes store.)

4/25/2007

What's the validation code for "Absolute Sucker?"

The MSL is coming up with a brand new game to lighten the wallets of many a player...

The You've Got to Be Insane To Spend $20 on a Lottery Ticket Star Spangled Cash

is the name of this new game, and there will only be 4 million of these tickets sold, and may sell out quicker... because the grand prize is $20 million to be paid all at once; there are also 10 $1 million prizes and 40 $250,000 prizes. The lottery will get $80 million and pay out $40 million...making a neat profit of 50%. The only good thing about this is that the prizes will be paid out all at once, rather than the usual 20 year annuity.

However, you won't like the odds one bit.
The odds of winning $20 million are 1:4,000,000; the odds of winning $1 million are 1:400,000; the odds of winning $250,000 are 1:100,000 and the overall odds of winning a prize in the “Star Spangled Sweepstakes” are 1:78,431.37.
Excuse the heck out of us, but what would possess someone to pursue a game with odds of almost 1 in 79,000? Ah, yes, the lottery's PR tells the tale...
The odds of winning cash prizes of this magnitude are the best the Massachusetts Lottery has ever offered.
Oh, really? We guess those $5 million prizes on those $10 instant tix mean little, huh? And for one freakin' drawing on July 4th!?

Here's our suggestion...if you're going to sell $20 tickets, make every ticket a winner (i.e. odds of 1 in 1) - and all the prizes need not be cash, trips, cars, or "fantasy" stuff like Yankees/Sox games for a decade, with the ability to have the Jumbotron spell out your name. Gift cards, full four year scholarships to colleges of your choice, your mortgage or rent paid for life...or even a brand new home, everything paid (including property taxes)?

$20 million is nice, but not at $20 per ticket.

4/22/2007

MSL's Instant Replay: did greed kill a good idea?

At the rate of 25 losing instant tickets to 1 fresh $1 ticket, the idea of helping the environment while giving you the chance to win money is a genius, thought the Massachusetts State Lottery. The amount of dead ticket trash recycled, plus the ability for ticket scavengers to win at least something for their rooting the barrels at convenience stores, benefitted everyone.

Unfortunately, when people began to bring in wheelbarrows and cases of losing tickets, the novelty wore off. One book of 300 fresh $1 tickets required 7500 losing tickets, and some people walked away with several books, only to regenerate new losing ticket trash and recycle those tickets for more new $1 tickets...so the MSL cut the vicious cycle of greed and said, "sorry, no Instant Replay for 2007, because it costs us too much to maintain the program."

Instead of giving away $1 instant tickets, they could have given away Lottery novelties and gift cards, and other more useful things, but it looks like greed on the part of players trumped the nice idea of recycling trash.

4/21/2007

Chez ain't happy about the NBC coverage...

Chez from Deus Ex Malconent rips NBC a new one (language!) over broadcasting the Cho Manifesto, i.e. "I'm going to blow away 32 Virginia Tech students and then hope I'm a hero to social misfits and angry loners worldwide by blaming rich white people." Or, following the quote below...
"The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage."

-- Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club)

The Top 30 Gold Survey