Herd mentality on the MBTA

I sometimes work on Saturdays for three reasons. One, because there's no dearth of work, two, it's paid OT, and three, the MBTA operates at a much better rate than during the week. Where it's Christmas Week and school vacation week, however, the MBTA will be a lot less crowded, and I'll likely get to work somewhat earlier.

Tonight, however, I decided to make a trek to Anna's Taqueria in Central Square after work. Unbelievable burritos, and the generous amount of chips for 95 cents are well worth the journey. I also noticed that there's a Qdoba across the way; they're good too, especially for a chain restaurant, but Anna's Taqueria is worth the $7 I spent on dinner.

I took the Route 87 bus from behind Porter to Lechmere. Except for a small bottleneck in Union Square in Somerville, I got to Lechmere in pretty good time.

Then the fun started. (I plan on using heavy amounts of adult language here, so if you have young children reading this blog, be prepared to explain a lot. You also have permission to print this out and apply Wite-out to the naughty bits; otherwise, your sweet little child will repeat these words, likely to your pastor or Sunday School teacher.)

First, the white trash see-you-next-Tuesday who "threatened to smash the fucking fare gates" because her card wouldn't go through. My resolution: don't ride the train with that ultra-bitch and her boyfriend, because likely her criminal record rivaled the first ten chapters of War and Peace. This is a good time to stand way over to the side because I would like to keep certain body parts intact.

The larger problem was that the MBTA was quite a lot short on cars, and thanks to the proximity of the Cambridgeside Galleria, too many last-minute shoppers filling up the platforms. Unlike the weekdays, Green Line cars run double. Thanks to what I would call a nasty case of clusterfuck and upper managerial horseshit, there were no double cars, only single cars. No wonder the poor inspector at Lechmere was having constant conniptions and shitfits
because someone in the Green Line upper echelon figured, yeah, it's the end of the shopping season, everyone will be taking the T, we don't need those extra trains! Single cars will be more than enough!

Not only were single cars not enough, they were often overcrowded. No matter what car came forward, it was filled to capacity within seconds. And, like flies to a steaming pile of horseshit, whenever an empty car came forward, the sea of humanity followed, hoping to lay its maggot egg-like asses onto a seat. So after twenty minutes of watching the sea of idiocy try to hedge their bets on which car will get them out of this narrow platform, I figured it would be a good idea to seek out the Kendall/MIT shuttle.

Only one problem. My watch said 7:11. The last shuttle out was 6:20. Foiled - making me an idiot too for not reading the goddamn schedule.

After trying to get through the Cambridgeside Galleria, I stopped by the newsstand centered in the middle of the food court to buy lottery tickets. It was a good thing I had eaten beforehand, because the place was packed solid, and I see first hand why some people abhor Christmas and would like it banned: thanks to the psychology that commercialism and marketing offers, we turn from nice, civil people to animals without a shred of fucking courtesy or decorum. It was evident at the food court, the mall, and at Lechmere Station - the lure of deep bargains and the encouragement to empty wallets lower our defenses and our civility, and acting like some dominatrix who controls the horizontal, vertical and contrast. Outside of the city wouldn't have been better.

I finally left Cambridgeside and returned to Lechmere, which looked as if it were calming down. Nope - same large crowd, same harried inspector, same single-car trains. This time, I didn't wait too long; ten minutes and I was headed to North Station; single car, but nowhere nearly as crowded. When I arrived at North Station, the Orange Line train was coming into the station. Maximum waiting time: 90 seconds. Time at the station: 7:35pm. I was laughing out loud as I got to the train; a conversation between a group of African American girls revolved around a girl "wearing stockings."

Then I got to Forest Hills station and decided to take the Route 40/50. Normally, this would be a sleepy route, but that herd mentality of HOLY SHIT! IT'S THE LAST BUS OF THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE! GET ON THE FIRST GODDAMN BUS YOU SEE OR YOU'LL BE LEFT BEHIND TO DIE! reared its ugly head again, as the bus was packed solid. The good/bad thing is that between Roslindale Square and Forest Hills, NINE buses ply Washington Street. (Routes 30, 34, 34E, 35, 36, 37, 40, 50, 51, in case you're curious.) Most of the passengers too impatient/lazy/stupid to wait emptied out around Roslindale Square, with a few more at the Beech St projects. By the time the bus left Georgetowne and entered Cleary Square, the bus was empty. The driver stopped for some slices of pizza and returned to Forest Hills.

The herd mentality is a dangerous mentality, especially when your bus/train doesn't show up for twenty to thirty minutes. The busiest routes are the most notorious for bottlenecks. For example, Route 71 and 73 trackless trolleys run on Mount Auburn St, and if there's an accident at the Fresh Pond Parkway/Memorial Drive split, trolleys bunch up and delay, and in addition to arriving at Harvard late, it has to circle the Cambridge Common before returning to Waverley or Watertown. Also, Route 71 and Route 73 ply the same route between Harvard and the Belmont St/Watertown line, and both buses serve Mount Auburn Hospital. (What the T should do is introduce two diesel routes, e.g. Route 61 and Route 63, that run limited within that area and offer more seating and standing. At the Mt. Auburn Bridge, they can run their regular routes.)

No matter - if it's that late, riders who are legitimately late, or just like the thrill of pushing forward to display their selfish "me first" attitude, or fear that they'll be left out or left behind, rush right to any available bus and try to pile on. The opposite happens on Route 71 headed inbound from Watertown Square to Harvard. Maybe it's the residents or the suburban patina, but even when it gets crowded and packed, the herd mentality is nowhere near as bad. You'll have your odd person blocking the back door or running for the bus (to which the herd pleads with the bus driver to stop; some drivers have emptied entire buses because they would rather be on time or make up time than listen to a Greek chorus)

The first time there's an accident or a huge fight because of a delayed bus or train, no one will admit it's because they're too impatient to wait for a less crowded train, too lazy to take an earlier or later train, or too stupid to plan ahead or seek alternate routes.