The Real Love Guru - nine years old

Warning to Doctor Phil and the slicksters on VH1: Alec Greven puts you two folks to shame with his direct, wonderfully clear dating book.

Some of his tips from the nine-year-old genius and my comments in red:

"It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry...[p]retty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil...The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don't let them get to you."

I can attest to that. A lot of the girls who seemed really pretty to me back in the day were sometimes pretty mean-spirited. And the longest-lasting friendships I had came from regular (not as pretty) girls.

And also:

"Crushes are like a love disease. It can drive you mad."

Also very much true. Crushes are like those songs you hear in your ears constantly - you never can seem to stop thinking about them. The girls I had serious crushes on were extremely flattered to be the object of my admiration/adoration, but I was more afraid of the boyfriends - I still have all my teeth! I could also never look them in the eye or hold a coherent conversation with them - I was so nervous I would slip up.

The true love you obtain will rarely be a crush you've had. It will be someone you'll feel comfortable and proud to share your day with.

and the best advice of all...

"Girls always like the smartest boys."

AMEN TO THAT! Back in the '80s, smart boys (back then called "nerds") were as popular as a nuclear power plant. The flip side to that was that the smartest boys, most often then not, had a lot of the answers, and actually listened to the girl's questions and concerns rather than giving a cursory "I don't know." Girls, once they knew they had a credible and reliable source, became fans of the smart boys for life, even though on the surface they seemed to despise them. So what if they dated the football captain or the baseball star, or their friends thought the smart boy was uncool to be even seen with. To a girl, the smart boy was a revered God.